1 Month No contact but I got some info 3rd hand Need Advice?

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

My BPDex and I ended it a month ago of course this was after I set some boundaries telling her I didn't want to be accused of cheating, called names etc. she considered this me being cocky and told me though our time together was amazing she didn't think she was in love with me at all... .  I responded with a take care and went no contact... .  This last week I ran into a mutual friend who told me she thinks the break up really threw her, I guess she posted on facebook that she was looking for a meaningful relationship with someone, then a week later she posted she doesn't want to date at all, and then the kicker today she posted that she is deleting people from facebook who haven't stayed in contact with her because what's the point and they are all pathetic, and something about how popular she is, ... .  ... .  Her friend attributed all of this to us breaking up... .  But it all sounds like typical BPD behavior to me,can anyone relate to this or know how their ex handled the breakup ?

[Mark2430]

My BPDex and I ended it a month ago of course this was after I set some boundaries telling her I didn't want to be accused of cheating, called names etc. she considered this me being cocky and told me though our time together was amazing she didn't think she was in love with me at all... .  I responded with a take care and went no contact... .  This last week I ran into a mutual friend who told me she thinks the break up really threw her, I guess she posted on facebook that she was looking for a meaningful relationship with someone, then a week later she posted she doesn't want to date at all, and then the kicker today she posted that she is deleting people from facebook who haven't stayed in contact with her because what's the point and they are all pathetic, and something about how popular she is, ... .  ... .  Her friend attributed all of this to us breaking up... .  But it all sounds like typical BPD behavior to me,can anyone relate to this or know how their ex handled the breakup ?

[Surnia]

I could imagine that this is her way dealing with the whole situation, like she is doing the roller coaster herself.

What about you? You are here on undecided... .  What are your goals in this situation?

[Mark2430]

I guess I am undecided at this point, I know that my boundaries are important for my own sanity, I never got bothered by her games, I just kinda shrugged them off, we had alot of fun together the only reason I went no contact was to draw a line in the sand and let her know I have enough respect for myself not to be treated that way, I have learned so much about BPD on these boards and through my own reading and if she doesn't come back I can accept it, I guess when I talked to her friend and she told me all these things it caught me off guard I just assumed that most BPDs just move on and find another supply and aren't really affected by the breakup, so I didn't know if her actions were truly tied to our breakup or just typical BPD behaviors,

[Surnia]

One of the issues with BPD is fear of abandonment. Some move on with a new partner, many try to have the prior partner back. Many members here are going through one break up after another. Recycled rs. Painted black, break up, reconciliation, some moments painted white and repeat. Which is really exhausting.

Its good to be focused on your own boundaries and values. This can be sort of recycle prevention.

[Bananas]

About two weeks after my ex and I "broke up" (there was never a break up really, I found out from a third party that he was moving in with another woman, and he sent me a lame text message saying he felt he didn't have to tell me) a mutual friend told me that my ex is a mess and he wanted to "fix" things with me but he didn't know how.  This friend told me the was having an awful time.  The friend told me he really wanted to talk to me about things.  I remember feeling pretty good that night, wow, it is hard on him and he actually has some sort of conscience. 

The next day I get a text that says "I have nothing to tell you that I haven't told you 100 times, you need to get over this and move on".  That was it. 

[leftbehind]

Bananas, I've had the same experience with a mutual friend that sees him almost every day saying, "He's so sad about the breakup (that he initiated), he won't even discuss it with me."

But he's cut me out of his life completely, never called to give a proper explanation (he said he would), and when I went up to his house to confront him he threatened to call the police.

I think with certain friends they front, or else they risk looking like the bad person that broke up with you with no remorse or emotion.  This way the mutual friend will still think he's a nice guy, and doing the normal thing by grieving the end of a relationship.  Remember, they are good at imitating empathy.

[Bananas]

Bananas, I've had the same experience with a mutual friend that sees him almost every day saying, "He's so sad about the breakup (that he initiated), he won't even discuss it with me."

But he's cut me out of his life completely, never called to give a proper explanation (he said he would), and when I went up to his house to confront him he threatened to call the police.

I think with certain friends they front, or else they risk looking like the bad person that broke up with you with no remorse or emotion.  This way the mutual friend will still think he's a nice guy, and doing the normal thing by grieving the end of a relationship.  Remember, they are good at imitating empathy.

Leftbehind, we have very similar stories! I was also threatened to have the police called on me.

I think you are right.  My ex had told me that I ruined the relationship with him and this mutual friend, that he could no longer tell the mutual friend anything because it would get reported back to me.  This is the same mutual friend who told me about the other woman.   

[Mark2430]

It's very interesting, I remember the first time she texted me that she was done and just couldn't do it anymore and I responded with "k" and that really set her off, I think she is use to guys chasing after her... .  I didn't elaborate to the friend that I thought she was BPD and didn't discuss the reason for the break, but her friend just told me about the weird behavior and the posts, and I guess part of me wonders if this is a pattern for BPDs after a relationship ends that they to go through this roller coaster of emotions like surnia talked about before re-engaging or moving on... .  Like I said before I have out my boundaries in place so if she does come back it's all out there and if she doesn't then it just wasnt meant to be

[leftbehind]

Mark2430, I WISH I had had the inner strength to just write back "K" when I got my breakup email.  I've often thought that I would have maintained my dignity, not gone up there sobbing hysterically and doubled over in gut wrenching pain while he remained completely detached.  WISH I had done what you did!

Bravo!

[Mark2430]

leftbehind, It was just a gut reaction at the time in my head I was thinking "what is going on", so i just put "k" There was another time where she told me that it was just so hard and she missed me so much and she didnt think she could do it any longer, and I responded "I dont want to casue you any pain so maybe its best we move on" her response was "what we have is special and you want to just throw it away" ... .  again I was like WHAT? maybe she figured I just wasnt interested in the game, but I also know through our mutual friend that she had never talked about a guy so much, and was really into me, and had never felt like this about anyone before, and our mutual friend has known her for a long time and has seen her go through guy after guy... .  and maybe thats why the push pull started so quick in our relationship, the last time we were together we were laying there and i started singing to her a song that was on, and it was a very deep and romantic moment, and i got up to get something and when i came back she unleashed on me... .  about who knows what... .  I figured that was her pushing me away beacause she couldnt handle the emotions... .  I have read alot about BPDs re-engaging and I wonder if she will ever remember the good times or at this point will I always be painted black

[hithere]

typical BPD stuff, they jump from black to white and are always looking to create chaos.

the only reason I went no contact was to draw a line in the sand and let her know I have enough respect for myself not to be treated that way,

good for you, unfortunately if you get back together I think your boundaries will be crossed again, it is just their nature.