Faking sickness? What to do

[Tkwoody]

My sd9 fakes being sick... .  I think. She spent the weekend with her BPD biomom so her behavior is horrible today. She started being pouty at the breakfast table. I let it slide. Then she came home from the sitter with a " headache" that migrated to a stomach ache in one miles time. Once my two daughters non bps entered the car she began treating them like garbage. She sat at the dinner table pouty, then said she was too sick to eat. Her dad told her to go upstairs where she proceeded to tell us she" threw up cake she ate two days ago. I don't even think that is possible? So she went to bed early and had a crying temper tantrum.

Does anyone else struggle with fake sickness? How do you know when it is real and when it is not?

I don't know what to do?

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[BioAdoptMom3]

First, yes, our DD is 13 and we have struggled with it for years.  If its not sickness, its an injury.  A good example is that she plays softball and if she hurts her leg sliding into home plate or gets hit by a pitch, etc. it is major, I mean a major injury!  She wants to go to the ER, the chiropractor, anyone who might be able to diagnose something serious like a broken bone.  In your SD's case I am wondering if it might be a plea for attention or a response to stress since she just spent the weekend with her bio mom who has BPD.  I would keep a log to see when it occurs, like after visits or something like that.  Another possibility could be trying to avoid school for some reason.  Do you think she might be trying to get out of going tomorrow?  It took us a long time to figure out that much of DD's sickness was because she was trying to get out of going to school, then we got to the root of that problem which was verbal bullying.  Those are just some possibilities.  If you can't figure it out I would see about setting up an appointment with her doctor.  Good luck with this and   from a fellow mom who understands!

[twojaybirds]

my dd is 19 and I now ignore all sickness.

multiple ER visits with kidney infections... .  a month in the hospital with psychosomatic pain... .  it was 4 weeks before the drs figured out there was nothing  physical... .  appendicitis... .  neck injuries... .  back injuries... .  going blind... .  

I tell her to call 911 and let me know when there is a diagnosis

Its exhausting and expensive.

your sd is only 9 so I am not too sure how to handle it.  Let me think abit but you are not alone  

[jellibeans]

It is full time job for my dd15... .  since kindergarten she has been sick... .  this is usually when school is involved. She is very good at it too. I have had to call EMS to take her to the hospital because she was in  coma... .  she faints and if she still can't come home she makes herself throw up and make sure someone is around to witness it so the nurse will send her home. I have not found a solution to this problem... .  I do think some of her illnesses are real to her... .  brought on by stress.

One thing I did when she was younger was if she stayed home from school she stayed in bed... .  no tv or computer nothing... .  don't make staying home fun in any way. I would limit what your sd does when claiming to be sick. I wish I could tell you this goes away but I do feel these kids illness as a way to cope with whatever stress they are going through.

I often had to had a talk with the nurse at school so they knew not to cal me unless she had a fever or threw up. Don't let her get away with fooling the nurse. I hope things go better.

[Tkwoody]

Thank you all for the input. Tonight's solution was to tell my supposingly "sick" sd9 that we did not want the other children to get sick and she needed to rest if she was sick, so she went straight to bed. She pitched a fit crying to her dad that she felt like she was being punished. He explained to her that if she is sick she needs rest. She cried some more and threw a tantrum, so we did what the doc ordered... .  we just said flatly " good night" and closed the door. She screamed she would stop if her dad would just sit with her. He did not respond , per drs orders. She screamed for  about twenty minutes, then attempted to come down stairs looking for dad to sit with her. No dice. Then only after she settled down her dad went upstairs and told her he made a counselor appt for her where she can discuss whatever was bothering her enough to cause her to be so upset.

Soo exhausting.

I hope we are doing the right thing. With this illness you just never know what to do!

[mamachelle]

Tkwoody,

Ah yes. As I was reading this SS10 came in and said he had used BPDbiomom's glasses over the weekend and saw better and so we needed to make an eye doctor appt. this is the same kid that at 7 tried very hard to fake needing glasses with the eye doctor... .  I asked the dr. then if she had ever experienced that before... .  She looked at me strangely and said, uh, not very often... .

All suggestions about setting limits I agree with. We have same issues with SS10 unfortunately.

Mamachelle

[js friend]

this is the same kid that at 7 tried very hard to fake needing glasses with the eye doctor... .  

my dd18  did a very similiar thing around 14yo. DD came home from school one day and told me that she had been experiencing sudden blindness  over the last few days and how scary it is for her. said that her vision would suddendly go for a few seconds and everything would become black, and it has happened at school and happened just now walking home. So anyway I get into a panic and take her to the drs where dd tells him that the blindness lasts for a few minutes (not seconds anymore) dr is alarmed and says to take her to the opticans ASAP. As soon as we get to opticans dd asks the optican if she can have coloured contact lenses!

Optican checks dd's eyes says they are ok and dd doesnt even bring up the sudden blindness at all... .  which left me to suspect that it was never there in the first place.

Over many years my dd has faked many illnesses. Some I would say she faked for both attention (at preschool she was a great storyteller) and stress (at school was bullied mercilessly).

It does become hard to know if these illnesses are real or imagined sometimes and I know I doubted my dd many times if there were know outward signs like a fever which is bad to say. I even remember telling her the story of Peter and the Wolf when she was about 6yo and talking to her about why Peter was not beliieved.

My dd seems to have grown out of this phase now so there is still hope that your sd will too. She is 9yo so she still has plenty of time.

It is a positive step that your sd will be geeting a counselor to speak to Tkwoody as so many of our children have developed unhealthy coping stratergies for stressful situations. My dd started clamming up when she was about 12yo and wouldnt express anything good or bad which turns out to be around the time the bullying started.

Years later when dd spoke to a T she said that I did nothing about the bullying. Im sure that she genuinely remembers it that way now even though I had actually had several meetings that she knew about, with the staff from the school and education authority rep before moving her from that school.  

[js friend]

what I meant to add was that i wish that i had learnt to validate my dd's feelings more in the early days.

Learning how to Validate your sd's feelings Tkwoody will open up a whole new level of communication  between you .