Medicine and a disordered Mom

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

My SD4 is sick. She has an antibiotic prescription. Her BPDbiomom is not good at giving the child the medicine she needs. When she had kiddo more, the only medication she'd get is Benadryl to knock kiddo out.

If it isn't in the court order, can the custodial parent say kiddo can't come because she is sick?

[newlymarried]

My SD4 is sick. She has an antibiotic prescription. Her BPDbiomom is not good at giving the child the medicine she needs. When she had kiddo more, the only medication she'd get is Benadryl to knock kiddo out.

If it isn't in the court order, can the custodial parent say kiddo can't come because she is sick?

[marbleloser]

Technically,no.You'd be in contempt of the order if it's her parenting time.However,you could try something like, "SD4 is not feeling well.Would it be ok with you if she stays here a few days to rest until she feels better? We can swap on our next parenting time to insure that you get your share of time with SD4."

[newlymarried]

Thank you for your reply. I will talk to my husband about it.

[ForeverDad]

Can this be documented?  How serious is it?  I know these days the doctors have official guidelines to use antibiotics only when really needed, not for frivolous reasons.  If SD got antibiotics, then it's important to follow the instructions.  The last thing that's to happen is for the meds to be given erratically or stopped early.

Which parent has custody or majority time?  If DH has custody or medical decision-making then he may have some leeway to get compliance or limit parenting time for a while.  If not, then this, along with other incidents, may be enough to get him more authority or more parenting time.  Maybe.  As marbleloser stated in her reality check, it may or may not be enough to be 'actionable'.  But combined with other issues, perhaps.  Courts are reluctant to change what 'is' and what seems to be working.  If he can demonstrate a need for change, the courts may see it as enough basis to adjust the order.

[newlymarried]

My husband has primary physical custody. Biomom gets her EOW. They have joint decision making in just about everything except education. He has sole educational decision making. I am just worried that BPDbiomom won't give kiddo her antibiotics, because she will have to be up at 6am to give them to her.

[ForeverDad]

Well, one idea might be for him to attempt to trade an ill weekend with the next one?  If he does that, he should try to get it in writing, knowing that pwBPD can rewrite history to match their own feelings and perceptions.  Of course, without the current order authorizing any changes for illness then she would have to agree, which is why I wonder if a trade or delay might suffice.

Then if they're ever in court again he can press for that delay/trade for illness to be made a part of the order.

If it is something very important, then he would have to decide whether to go ahead with the medically proper solution, being sure to document that he offered her make up time and then deal with her complaints later.  (She could call the police or perhaps even file Contempt of Court motions in court, etc.)  Sometimes... . It's easier to ask for forgiveness than ask for permission.  Sometimes.

[newlymarried]

I sent kiddo to BPDbiomom with the 2 doses of antibiotics that kiddo will need for tonight and tomorrow morning. It sucks that I will have to ask kiddo if she got her medicine. The last time she had kiddo, she said she was sick when she gave her back; and did nothing about it. I know that my DH has BPDbiomom admitting thatshemedically neglected kiddo. Mediation is in a little more than a year. I am hoping that with all the stuff that HPDbiomom admitted to, at this point she will only have supervised visits.

[mamachelle]

newlymarried,

hey. If its a 2x a day for 10 days its not as bad as if its the once a day 5 days as she'll have plenty in her system. amox vs. zithromax.  Hope it all went ok and that kiddo is doing ok now 

BPDBiomom in my case lets my SS 10 and 15 go without doses of psychiatric meds and I'm always a little worried she may even be stealing some of the abilify herself... .  or think it's not needed.

I sent kiddo to BPDbiomom with the 2 doses of antibiotics that kiddo will need for tonight and tomorrow morning. 

smart to send her with just enough doses.

Also, biomom in my case sometimes forgets to return the meds to us at the exchanges-- and since she lives in another state-- we have to scramble to get the rxs refilled.

never easy eh?

mamachelle

[ForeverDad]

Talk about keeping meds... .   My story this past month is that near the end of my ex's 5 days with 11 year old son, she called just before school started saying son had to go to pediatrician immediately(!) because his eyes were itchy, she mentioned maybe pink eye (which comes on quickly).  Since we have equal time but I have custody, I had to give the okay.  She claimed they'd been irritated the entire weekend but of course I knew nothing until Tuesday morning, the day before he was to come back to me.  She even said so to the nurse practitioner.  I think she picked that day because she knew I could drive away with him afterward.

Well, Pataday was ordered for his initial eye itching/irritation and loratadine allergy tablets.  The drops were $125, the generic tabs were inexpensive.  They were used for just a week.  Guess who's kept the drops and tabs?  You guessed it.  Knowing this would happen, I bought a spare bottle of allergy tabs for me to keep.  Oh, and the order says I pay the first $100 each year and then over 80% of the remainder.

[newlymarried]

When we've sent meds down before, BPDbiomom just keeps them. I will be getting her an hour later than her scheduled time to get her antibiotic, but I will take a dose down with me and she will get it as soon as I see her.

When kiddo is sick, she looks for me. I am a nurse and kiddo knows it. BPDbiomom told kiddo that she is a nurse too. I just have to take a deep sigh and laugh at the crazy.

I hope kiddo got her antibiotic because if the crazy made that kiddo sicker I am going to be pissed.

Oh and she owes DH money for the doctor's visits. She owes under $100 and she refuses to pay it. My DH pays for kiddo's health insurace and the dr's visits and the medication and BPDbiomom can't be bothered to pay her30%.