I feel angry and alone today

[Nearlybroken]

I am angry today and hope this post will make sense... . I am just so annoyed and upset that I have been left feeling on my own.I know it sounds naive but I just wish someone could see what I see in pwBPD and confront it.I just wish someone would fight MY corner and that my voice could be heard.Those who know a little of our issues do nothing to help me.I strongly suspect that I have been painted to be the bad guy and this is infuriating me because I simply have done nothing wrong.Why can't people see what I am going through?Why can't those who know help me?I have tried everywhere to get help and I am now starting to think that I am not believed.I know the answer but :why Mr.Nice Guy to everyone else?Why do I ,who has done nothing other than love him.get it all?And why do my friends fail to understand my viewpoint?On the plus side... . because I am angry today I have only cried a little which makes a change from most other days.

[Vindi]

maybe get a support group for yourself with friends and family and let them know how you are feeling, what YOU are going thru with your pwBPD... . do you still want to stay in the relationship or get out?

Fill up your life and mind with happy thoughts, good people, etc... . to take away that alone feeling.

And keep posting, it does help!

[crankshaft25]

I am angry today and hope this post will make sense... . I am just so annoyed and upset that I have been left feeling on my own.I know it sounds naive but I just wish someone could see what I see in pwBPD and confront it.I just wish someone would fight MY corner and that my voice could be heard.Those who know a little of our issues do nothing to help me.I strongly suspect that I have been painted to be the bad guy and this is infuriating me because I simply have done nothing wrong.Why can't people see what I am going through?Why can't those who know help me?I have tried everywhere to get help and I am now starting to think that I am not believed.I know the answer but :why Mr.Nice Guy to everyone else?Why do I ,who has done nothing other than love him.get it all?And why do my friends fail to understand my viewpoint?On the plus side... . because I am angry today I have only cried a little which makes a change from most other days.

I am going through the exact same thing.  my udBPDw has been painting herself as the victim to all our friends.  The only support I have is with my own family.  I am sad for our son as I think we are getting closer and closer to seperating and she isn't financially/emotionally stable enough to support him and I've been thinking of getting a lawyer to go for full custody.

Stay strong and try to find people close to you that you can turn to for support.   This site is also proving to be very good for me so do as much reading here as you can

[Vanillaradio]

I am going through the exact same thing.  my udBPDw has been painting herself as the victim to all our friends.  The only support I have is with my own family.  I am sad for our son as I think we are getting closer and closer to seperating and she isn't financially/emotionally stable enough to support him and I've been thinking of getting a lawyer to go for full custody.

Please do look into it. Reading the posts from the folks who grew up with untreated BP parents had a hellish childhood. I know that it will be harder for you as a guy, which is so not fair.

I found out to today my state won't even consider mental illness as a cause unless the person has been committed for two years or committed some violent crime. Can you believe that crap?  BUT is considered in custody and may be in annulment, if protested it as a material fact not disclosed.

IDK... . I am just worn out too. We should have a resort, or vacation spot just for worn out loved ones and kids to just get a freaking break and dose of life.

[Clearmind]

Oh how I understand how you feel. Learning about BPD feels like such a lonely journey and many people in my life, when I informed them of my struggles really didn’t get it.

Thankfully Nearly we do and you are not struggling on your own.

You have done nothing wrong – this is not your fault – BPD is very real.

Do you have a therapist who is well versed in BPD? How is your support network?

[Nearlybroken]

No one in my life seems to get it... . there are not many people that I trust to reveal exactly what is going on.But the support network that I have is not too good... . everyone keeps telling me to leave.Of the four people I have told, two do not actually believe  that he is mentally ill (as he is so normal around them.One I have had to ditch completely as her "support" has become well, counterproductive (long story).I cannot afford therapy ( I did save up and pay for 6 sessions but therapist didn't seem to understand) and am unable to get it under our health system as I am not classed as having a mental health disorder.I had to drop two days at work in order to look after pwBPD when he was very poorly so my income is limited.Believe me when I say I have tried everywhere for support but there is very little in UK for people like me.Though partner with BPD won't engage with treatment (though he did get therapy through work) he is not classed as ill enough to have the choice taken away from him.Of course the problem is that he lied to his therapist and puts on an act for the doctor so it looks like I am making the whole thing up (which I am not).I wish I could put into words how hard it is for me to comprehend this situation... . I just keep clinging onto the hope that one day he will get better... . and I KNOW that isn't going to happen.I just feel frustrated that everytime I reach out to someone they let me down but I know that this is because I am just looking for a miracle.

[123Phoebe]

Ugh, I know what it feels like to be totally misunderstood by the people I think should get it!  If they don't though, there's not a whole lot we can do about it-- they're not living life in our shoes.

What I find helpful is to recognize when my need for understanding comes into play... .   Then I go about learning more about whatever it is I need help with.  Validating myself, instead of looking for that validation from others.  I'm fortunate in that a good friend of mine has similar 'mother--FOO' issues (where a lot of getting involved with a pwBPD originates from), so we get together every once in a while to vent it out.  Or I come on here and read posts.  Knowing I'm not alone helps a lot.

What's helped the most though is when the person I'm having issues with isn't directly in front of me, interacting with me, I don't spend a lot of time thinking of ways to make them behave differently (they're pretty much going to do what they want to do).  I'm more focused on my own life, separate from them... .    Getting together with friends and NOT talking about BPD-behaviors, taking my dog for a walk, checking out a new recipe, digging in the garden, etc... .    Things that speak to who I am as an individual.

When I spend too much time thinking about the other person, things fester and when we do get together I find myself reacting to them in unhealthy ways.  It becomes all about the illness.  If I step away from the illness, fulfill myself in other ways, it gives me clarity to respond to things in a healthier way and to recognize when things are going south-- with them and with me.  By stepping away I'm giving myself the space for growth and peace, so it's easier to recognize when those things are being compromised.


First, I had to realize and radically accept that I'm not a victim.  I have a lot more control over what goes on in my life than what I was giving myself credit for.

Have you read about 'boundaries'?  What are some of yours, Nearlybroken?

[Flak]

I know how angry you feel. My ex partner udBPD was a master at coming across as the nice guy.

I was painted black and  a smear campaign was launched to friends. Like you living in UK, I found it's hard to find support or information regarding BPB. I must say joining BPD Family and reading all the helpful information here, has helped me move on. I still have bad days but I have the knowledge now to understand that I am not the one with a mental illness. For the so called friends that believe my ex, the truth always win out in the end.

--

[Nearlybroken]

 Flak,I have been driven to despair at the lack of provision within the NHS for BPD.Its so hard when you KNOW you are being talked about in negative and UNTRUE terms.Some of the things he says to me take my breath away.And the look on his face when he says them just serves to let me know he actually MEANS what he says.He actually thinks I deserve to be painted black .I swear if you ever met me... . I am the most pathetic soft creature walking.I have never even had a disagreement with anyone before this.I find it hard to cope with the fact that he is talking about me in negative terms... . this is what I cry about most.What others think of me.

123P: I have no boundries and that is the problem.I have tried and failed to set them.I am not an assertive person at all.and to be honest, I have allowed myself to think "it's the BPD" and justify this as an excuse for bad behaviour.He has GAD and clinical depression too... . so you can only imagine what a rollercoster it is in our house.

[Mr Bean]

I have been painted black as well and so many people don't believe me that my ex was wrong. They all blamed me. I know I did something that I am not proud of and my ex used it asher "weapon" against me.  Well what could I say? Even if I didn't do anything, she would have painted me black anyway. What difference does it make then? People with BPD are very twisted and could change the facts against you. So many people didn't believeme either she suffers from BPD. Its because she is a high functioning one. I have known her well and long enough. That's why I got a conclusion she suffered BPD

[Nearlybroken]

I know only too well the pain of being painted black Mr.Bean and the pain of not having people quite believe you when you actually open up about the problems that you face with partner.I was "lucky" ( haha) in that my partners BPD was diagnosed by a medical person.But too be honest even if it wasn't I know now that he ticks almost every BPD box... . I just wish those who see it too would speak up and those who don't see it would just believe me.He twists everything to the point that I sometimes try not to smile with the absurdity of it all.I have been painted black  (wrongly)for things I have said, not said,done,not done.I have also been painted black for not having the ability to read his mind... . you may laugh but that conversation  actually took place!How can not being a mind reader= evil person?

It seems that, in his mind, my only reason for living is to cause him pain... . it's always me... . spoiling things, making things awful... . undertaking acts designed to mess with his mind, controlling etc.All BS... . and I am annoyed with myself for constantly having to reiterate that the things he accuses me of are not true.It's almost like I am beginning to doubt myself.

[Mr Bean]

The funny thing she has done a lot of bad things to me but she doesnt even feel guilty. She thinks she never does anything wrong. When i have done something because i was so upset, she still thinks it all my fault. She doesnt realise i have done a thing coz of her action. She cheated and dumped me but she still thinks it is right and am still wrong. I have to accept that she is in love with this new guy. She doesnt remember that before this guy, i was the one who tried to make her happy all the times. Is there ever a karma in this world? Looks like she is happy with her new guy since she just got married a few days ago.

[Nearlybroken]

I could have written your last post Mr.B.It's unfair... . my BPD patner/ex... . (who knows) takes the view nothing he does is wrong.When I get upset at his actions I am in the wrong.When I don't react, I am in the wrong.These people appear to have no concern or empathy for the feelings of others.Last year he told me he was thinking of reuniting with his ex wife and I would be the first to know if it happened.A little unsettling as we live together.I now firmly believe that he is seeing someone else... . of course he will never tell me as that may portray him badly in the eyes of others.I wish I had the time to list all of the things I am to him: scheming,liar,manipulative,controlling.I know I shouldn't get upset but its hard not to when you are the person that has to deal with the accusations and you are the person that has provided the love.Unfair.I think people with BPD seek short term gratification... . they are intense until something goes "wrong" or someone doesnt agree with them then its fallout and they are onto the next victim.They just don't do normal.All or nothing.

[Nearlybroken]

I have told him that if he is seeing someone then I have a right to know and that I also have a right not to be portrayed as the bad guy in the eyes of others.We will see how he reacts to that.My money is on badly

[crankshaft25]

try throwing a child into the mix.   Me and my udBPD went to counciling last night and when asked what she wanted she said that she wanted to split.

things got heated and even worse once the little one went to bed.  She went from angry and wanting to punch me to being sorry for flipping out to crying all night.

I'm literally shaking and want to vomit

[Nearlybroken]

We spent a long time trying for a child .I am so thankful it didn't happen.My partner has called me whilst I am at work.He hasn't phoned me for months now... . favouring texts or simply ignoring my calls.I am guessing that he has had a bad reaction to me asking if he is seeing someone.No voice mail message so I know by the time I speak with him he will just explode and will have had time to think about whe most nasty things to say.I will get shouting  and abuse then a panic attack then crying.I feel very nervous  and my hands are sweating.It's just abuse really whe n all comes to all.

Do you want to split with her CS25? Do you stay for your child or do you still love her?I just keep hoping that I will wake up one day and this nightmare will be over.

[crankshaft25]

We spent a long time trying for a child .I am so thankful it didn't happen.My partner has called me whilst I am at work.He hasn't phoned me for months now... . favouring texts or simply ignoring my calls.I am guessing that he has had a bad reaction to me asking if he is seeing someone.No voice mail message so I know by the time I speak with him he will just explode and will have had time to think about whe most nasty things to say.I will get shouting  and abuse then a panic attack then crying.I feel very nervous  and my hands are sweating.It's just abuse really whe n all comes to all.

Do you want to split with her CS25? Do you stay for your child or do you still love her?I just keep hoping that I will wake up one day and this nightmare will be over.

honestly with all the blame she is putting on me for it not working out I'm not sure if I do want to get together with her again.  It's tough because of our son, who's 4.  He loves us both to death and it will hurt me and the SO to be away from him but I'm willing to help her get a place to live.  The constant suicide threats if I didn't change were maybe the push I needed.

She has no family though and I still care about her as the mother of my son and want to be friends but I think that will be it.

I'm still shaking

[Hurtbad]

Whomever started this site deserves a medal.  You have got to hang in there and realize that we all, more or less, are in the same boat; all of us trying to make sense of the irrational and incomprehensible.  You are among people who do understand and who you can get some solace from. If you need help get it.  I have, and along with this site, I am muddling through.  I don't have many answer yet; but I have empathy and concern for you.

[whatshappening]

Reading this, it makes me want to talk about the philosophy I have read over the years that make all of this more easy to deal with. After all, most philosophy was created to help people deal with bad things.

I just pasted this somewhere else, but its so good it needs to be said again in case you missed it.

Bill Harris from Centerpointe, the creator of Holosync Meditation says it this way:"You can’t escape from all suffering, because it’s built into life. But you can avoid the suffering that happens because you unconsciously keep putting yourself in situations where life smacks you around.

And, you can avoid the suffering you create by resisting what happens".

What this means is that meditation or some form of communing with yourself is important because it helps you build a higher threshold for dealing with others bad behavior. And that Resisting, (i.e... . not going along with the situation and realizing it is what it is, and making sure you're not too overly invested in any particular outcome,) is something within your control. Meditation even using free Binaural beats found on the internet, unless you want a good program like Holosync, can help you deal with the every day stressors, and most importantly, helps you stop resisting what is. Once you do that, your world becomes much calmer and it transfers to your SO. Maybe not completely, but maybe in a small enough way to make thing bearable and life better. Or it allows you to have the awareness to walk away if that would be the best thing for you. The main thing, it gives you much more clarity. No more being completely confused and frustrated.

Good luck to all, but I have found that this helps and every article about mental and physical well being now mentions meditation as a way to rise above it all. They are even using it for PTSD in the Armed Forces to some extent now... .

If you like philosophy, I suggest Philosophers Notes by Brian Johnson. 100 of the all time best books on philosophy, synopsized and put on Tape and PDF for a nominal fee, or free if you need a "Scholarship" badly. But totally worth seeing what the best philosophers in the world have to say, and how similar it all is. Listen to 100 Book Synopses and you will feel differently about the world. In a good way. You'll see how logical it all is and how you can create exactly what you want. You might even see that your current problems came to you for a reason and that reason was to learn more, which will enable you to spend the rest of your life in a happier, more productive state, perhaps even happier and more productive than you would have been had all of this not come down on you. That's the way I see it at least.