Divorced but not "free"

[rellis]

I am not sure if this is the right place to post-my divorce was finalized 2 years ago-BUT we still co-own a home. He is living in it, paying the bills and the mortgage. The divorce decree stated it had to be reamain actively listed on the real estate market until it sold.

Several months ago, my ex contacted me, stated that under no circumstances would he sell the home because he wanted to keep it-HE had put "too much blood sweat and tears into it to sell it". He asked me to agree to allow him to refinance it into his name only, offered me a pittance of the current equity and wanted to take it off the market for 6 months while he applied for a loan etc.

I knew better, but I attempted to work out something equitable and when he emphatically told me he would only do it "his way" I contacted my attorney and have had no contact since except through the lawyer. I am now bringing a law suit against him to force him to comply with the prior court order to sell.

I will have to face him in court and frankly I am terrified. I am terrified (still) of him, terrified he will tell the judge some big whopper of a lie, terrified the judge will side with him-in spite of evidence I have. Terrified to have to stand up to him, terrified of having, once again, to see him look at me the way he used to.

Why, after 2 years do I still get upset? Is this normal? I just want the house sold and him out of my life.

I cant back down this time-I just cant.  Maybe I am nuts for putting myself through this yet again, but I refuse to be a victim to him any longer.

Any advice on how to calm my fears and appear like I am unafraid and fearless when I see him in court?

[ForeverDad]

How to calm your fears?  In short, he will only have as much 'power' over you as you let him have.  Yeah, still hard to manage... .

The court:  The court will see this is merely a financial issue, selling a marital asset, won't care about who blames whom for whatever.  The court will see that the house was ordered to be sold because he presumably did not have enough money to pay your marital equity in the house.  Nothing has changed, except the house hasn't sold.  (Why?  Is the sell price too high?  Does he allow viewings and inspections?)  The court will accept that if he can't buy you out and you can't or won't buy him out, then a sale is the standard outcome.  That's already been ordered, just get the court to enforce it.

If he claims he can't sell it, then tell the judge to have ex vacate and give you sole possession, that you will deduct any repairs needed for it to sell (in case he has damaged anything or not performed expected maintenance) and you can give ex his portion of the remainder.  If that happens, be sure that the court also has him pre-sign a quit claim deed to be held in escrow or safekeeping so that he can't sabotage a sale at the last minute.

Ex:  The tried to push you and your boundary held.  Good.  Don't try to reason with him, you've tried and confirmed it didn't work.  Let the judge decide the case.  You are doing nothing wrong by forcing an end to the ordered sale.  Unfortunately, there are many ways he can still sabotage or delay a sale.  Expect him to walk in with a low-ball appraisal.  Would he damage the property or sabotage a buyer to spite you?  Even if that happened, it's no worse than where you are now.

You:  Let the court handle it, the judge won't care what ex says about you.  Ex didn't comply with the order.  Two years, even in a bottoming market, was more than enough to sell.  Do keep the pressure on the court to enforce something sooner rather than later.  You've been more than reasonable while waiting, time to stop being so accommodating.