New to BPD and this site. Our Story

[Sam Jones]

Our son has been seeing a girl for a little over 2 years and have recently announced their engagement. My husband and I believe there is a strong possibility she has BPD. At first we thought she was wonderful and that our son did a magnificent job of finding a nice girl who seemed to be able to get along with just about anyone. A tragedy brought her to our house for several months and we learned more about her. She seemed to want to control everything including our home - what we would eat, watch on t.v. Etc. whenever she didn't get her way she would storm out of the room, call her mother and "tattle" on us. Tell other people false things about us or leave out significant details. Ultimately, she contrived a reason she believed we should pay her for living in our home - which we thought was ridiculous as it seemed as though we were doing her a favor by giving her room and board free of charge BUT to get rid of her, we paid her and asked her to leave saying it was time for her to move back to living her life as it was before the tragedy.  She left but we've been paying for it ever since. Our son now keeps us at an arms length distance, doesn't involve us in their wedding plans, keeps extended family in the center of their wedding plans, etc. We are at a loss.  We really don't know what we're dealing with or what to do to bring "normal" back to our lives. Our fear is that she will continue to separate them from us - even keeping any future children from us. Our future doesn't seem bright.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[mamachelle]

Hi Sam Jones,



I am so sorry to hear about all this. We can help you learn better ways to manage your relationship with your Son (S) and his fiance (GF).

What is the timetable for the wedding?

What does your extended family say about all this?

Do you have other children? Any that are now involved in the drama with the wedding?

How are things with her family? Is her mother suspected BPD as well?

Here is a great book to pick up for more detailed information on BPD:

Essential Family Guide

Also recommend looking at this link to work on communication with your S and his GF:

TOOLS: S.E.T. - Support, Empathy and Truth

Yours,

mamachelle

[heartandwhole]

 

Sam Jones,

I'd like to extend a heartfelt welcome to you as well.  I'm sorry that your relationship with your son is strained right now.  You will find support and understanding here.

Mamachelle has given you some great links.  I hope you will continue writing and let us know how we can support you.

heartandwhole