How do you learn NOT to defend yourself?

[waverider]

The problem is if this becomes a pattern over endless things and you go into validation all the time it can become draining and resentment sets in. You also have to consider how this constant engagement is affecting you as well as doing the right thing by them.

There is also a risk that their constant desire for validation can instigate ridiculous questions with the sole purpose of getting a validating response. Just like the small kid who has just discovered that if they ask "why?" to everything it is an auto trigger to get a response to virtually anything. How long before the parent looses patience, and that becomes a game.

In short validation is fine, but keep it in perspective. You are here to learn how to make your life more tolerable not how to best pamper to your partners needs, or they will never learn to just deal with it or self soothe. So choose when validation is or is not called for, don't do it on demand

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.