BPDex 's new girlfriend

[newlyhopeful]

Hi, I am slowly getting my life back on track after years of turmoil with exbf. It was  my decision to end it finally which I dont regret. He realised I was serious this time and replaced me, first replacement lasted about 2 months, current one is about 4 months. I am not handling her involvement in my daughters life. I resent her being around yet understand that she probably makes daughters time with Dad better as he is quite selfish and unable to put anyone else's needs first. I text BPDex yesterday to say it was time to renegotiate parenting agreement as I was thinking about going back to shiftwork both for career options and better pay. I currently work regular hours. My career has been basically on hold for the last 5 years as he works for himself and he "cant just drop everything to collect his daughter from day care" He basically said that I was being selfish and putting money above my daughter and that he wouldnt be agreeing to changes to his time with her to support me doing shiftwork until she is at least 8(another 3 years) I am tempted to say that he can forget about having anytime with her then and I will do it all on my own, but I know this is unfair on her. His GF already seems to have taken over the parent role ( she is a carbon copy of me so I know they are destined to fail) I dont know why he even bothers to see his D, unless its to stroke his ego about what a good dad he is. I am tired of wishing bad things to happen to him, that is not who I want to be

[mamachelle]

Hi newlyhopeful,



It is hard to have your child around your exes new GF. Many here have dealt with that as well.

What is your current custody/visitation/support agreement?

Do you have family or friends to help with care ?

I guess I rely as little as possible on the other BPD parents in my life and that seems to make the best sense when it comes to child care.

 mamachelle

[newlyhopeful]

Hi Mamachelle, thanks for reply. We have an informal parenting plan. He collects her from out of school care for an overnight stay once a week and also alternate Fridays till Monday Morning when he drops her back to school. Anything different to this we negotiate over the phone. He doesnt pay any child support but does buy stuff for her to wear and use when she is with him and splits any activity expenses with me. He has also recently started contributing to out of school care costs. My family and friends are not really able to help out with child care much although my sister does babysit sometimes so I can go out with friends.

I have learnt not to rely on BPDex for anything. I just wish I could leave him out of the picture altogether :'(

[slimmiller]

I have learnt not to rely on BPDex for anything. I just wish I could leave him out of the picture altogether :'(

I know this feeling so well... .

In my case (I think this is basically for most BPDs) I went along with what she wanted custody wise although it was against my better judgement. She wanted 50/50 and it was the only 'option'. A fight would have had her go for full custody and since I was the one gone working to support the family it would have given her an advatage with the fact she was 'home' all the time. (well when she wasnt with 'him' behind my back).

Anyways, I never fought her on times or anything. Yes its a sheer hell at times but she has become so disfunctional and un predictable that even the youngest D7 told me recently, 'I wish I had a nice mommy, like Emily'. That tore me up in ways I can not describe on one side but on the other side, a kid at 7 already sees that mommy is not 'normal'. So I do not have to paint her as disfuntional and as my S10 said, 'we dont make mommy look bad, she does it herself'

My thought here is that in time they just drift out of the kids life so you having to deal with his crap will dimish over time. They fight for the kids because its a convenient weapon and they know how much we love them so they try and take it from us. The classic kid in the sand box mentality that if I cant have it, neither can you. When it looks like I dont really want it they loose interest as well. Its no longer fun

Is there no way for you to do it on your own? If you are still getting things formalized, theres still time and also as your child gets a little older, it only gets easier