Just a little rant- Is it the BPD or is she just a jerk?

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

As you know, we had to go to court to get D7 allowed to perform in her school's performance this weekend.  Today is the last dress rehearsal and tomorrow is the big performance. 

I've been cautiously optimistic because so far BPDex has been kind of a pain, but she has not prevented anything from happening yet.  Tonight, she has to be at the dress rehearsal at a certain time and ready to go.  The easiest would be just to get her from school and take her to rehearsal.  BPDex announces this morning that we will not be doing this, that we must go to her side of town and get D7 as "late as possible" which is basically, the time it would take child to get from school to her mother's work on the school bus.  What is the point?  Is it just a control thing?  She isn't going to get any time in between with child, because she will literally get on school bus, ride across town for an hour, get off and dad will pick her up from BPDex.

Also, BPDex told child last week she was going to go to performance after all and then told her yesterday that she could not get tickets.

What is she going to do tomorrow, day of performance?  Just vanish? Anyone out there have similar stories?  How did it turn out? 

I can never tell if she is doing this stuff on purpose or in her broken brain she thinks it makes more sense to do it her way?  She is totally back to ":)o not let dad have one second longer with child than she absolutely has to"

I think this came from one of her domestic violence websites.  She is back to claiming they have this long history of DV again.  I think it is to benefit her new BF turned husband that she has known for 7 months. 

[hell0kitty]

As you know, we had to go to court to get D7 allowed to perform in her school's performance this weekend.  Today is the last dress rehearsal and tomorrow is the big performance. 

I've been cautiously optimistic because so far BPDex has been kind of a pain, but she has not prevented anything from happening yet.  Tonight, she has to be at the dress rehearsal at a certain time and ready to go.  The easiest would be just to get her from school and take her to rehearsal.  BPDex announces this morning that we will not be doing this, that we must go to her side of town and get D7 as "late as possible" which is basically, the time it would take child to get from school to her mother's work on the school bus.  What is the point?  Is it just a control thing?  She isn't going to get any time in between with child, because she will literally get on school bus, ride across town for an hour, get off and dad will pick her up from BPDex.

Also, BPDex told child last week she was going to go to performance after all and then told her yesterday that she could not get tickets.

What is she going to do tomorrow, day of performance?  Just vanish? Anyone out there have similar stories?  How did it turn out? 

I can never tell if she is doing this stuff on purpose or in her broken brain she thinks it makes more sense to do it her way?  She is totally back to ":)o not let dad have one second longer with child than she absolutely has to"

I think this came from one of her domestic violence websites.  She is back to claiming they have this long history of DV again.  I think it is to benefit her new BF turned husband that she has known for 7 months. 

[Thunderstruck]

My vote is the control thing (with the pickup tonight).

SO's uBPDx pulls the same nonsense. She'll ask SO to pickup D8 from school but then show up early and take her. Then the next morning ask SO to watch D8 but change her mind ten minutes later. It's utter chaos, all the time. It's whatever she wants to have at that particular moment, which constantly shifts and changes with her mood.

[DreamGirl]

Is it BPD or is she just a jerk?

Probably a little bit of both.

I think Thunderstruck has it correct in that a pwBPD often feels out of control. It's where you'll see certain [BPD] behaviors of trying to regulate that - it's the catch 22 of the disorder. Intense feelings + the lack of skills to regulate emotions = tough stuff to deal with it.  

I think she's exhibiting this kind of "puffing out the chest" because she lost control of the situation (court said she had to take SD to the ballet performance even though she did not want to). This helps her equalize those feelings by dictating to you "how it's going to be".  It really, truly makes sense to her to not make it any easier on you.

I think this came from one of her domestic violence websites.  She is back to claiming they have this long history of DV again.  I think it is to benefit her new BF turned husband that she has known for 7 months.

Probably.

It's part of her coping mechanisms to deal with the loss of the relationship that she carrys with her (he didn't really leave her, she left him because he was abusive). It's the Karpmen's Drama triangle at play (for all of you). It's all part of lacking a skill set to function in relationships. In life.

She's human too - and just like all of us - can certainly be a jerk. Making you drive an hour out of your way "just because" sounds kinda jerky to me.  

It's not taking it personal that's the key to our survival.    

~DreamGirl