what do i do

[dickL]

what do you do when uBPDw's behavior has endangered the health of many others for years . we've discussed whether she had been honest with others so they knew the risk . i feel informing others that they need testing to know where they stand is only a spiteful act by me . staying quiet can potentially result in innocent people having cancer. the risky behavior continues today as it has for 35yrs.

[Rose Tiger]

What is she doing that could cause cancer in other people?

[dickL]

i avoided being too personal . she's been infected with hpv( std ) for decades and is aware of it . she's ahd 2 surgeries , last one 4 months ago , to remove pre cancerous cells in her cervix . condoms aren't effective , only monogamy or abstinence can prevent spreading this disease . skin contact can spread this. her current and former lovers are in danger of cancer of the mouth/throat, anal cancer , cancer of the penis . their spouses and their families have been innocently exposed to this virus . hpv is often symptomless for many years. she's too ill to comprehend the danger in her compulsions , should i keep quiet and watch family friends and neighbors develop serious issues ? her current partners wife assaulted my wife 2 yrs ago and then went back to her infected husband knowing nothing about the danger she's in . what happens when this woman becomes intimate with other men in her future , see how this grows ?

[Rose Tiger]

Just as an example, 25% of all teens have some form of STDs now a days.  Some pretty sobering statistics, I think most folks know that promiscuity carries some serious risks.

[dickL]

no i don't think most people are aware of the facts . Michael Douglas may not of fully understood the risks of his behavior and now the risk to his family

[Rose Tiger]

Do you think the public needs more education on the risks?  That the more partners a person has, increases their risk?  I hope they know this.

[dickL]

definitly education is needed , i've been infected for years but monogomas . thought condoms were safe , never knew it could be spread casually from hands , did not know oral sex can lead to oral cancers , etc . i think people are living with bad or no info even though they've heard about std's . i doubt my wife was even honest with her gyn dr that she's seen for 30yrs . he probably would have recommended she not have multiple sex partners . her BPD causes her to wildly justify her actions . she was sexually abused as a child . she's never fully dealt with her pain . but aside from us, the fact is a person that makes poor decisions is quietly spreading the virus . think of loved ones as unaware passengers in a car driven by someone who judgement is impaired , if i was the only one who knew the driver was not safe i would speak up.

[Rose Tiger]

Oh no, you've been infected?  I'm so sorry.  That really sucks when innocent partners are dealt this card.  :'(  I haven't heard that STDs can pass from hands, do you have any links that talk about that aspect?

[dickL]

it's a toss up where it started , w always blamed me . BPD , she wasn't sure . i was one of several possibilities long ago . most on line sites about hpv discuss skin contact . it can live on the skin and although the virus needs access under the skin . a simple  pat on the cheek where there's acne , shave burn etc could do it. intercourse is not the only transmission avenue as most may believe. i tried to discuss this with her , not as moral judgement , that she was putting people in danger . not shocking it made her furious . there are many types of hpv with various outcomes . the kind that causes warts is different from the one that causes cervical cancer which never leves the body. i will never have intimate relations with out telling the person , inspite of interest in sex at 64 i will likely not experience that again.

[Rose Tiger]

I wonder, the powers that be did make a huge media push to re-assure people that simple hand contact was not a danger.  I think we've become so germ phobic with hand sanitizers that we can't handle germs as well as we did in the past.  Kids should be out making mud pies and building up some immunities.  But that is my own feeling.  I don't mean to contradict what you are saying, I'm more saying that people are losing the ability to fight off infection which would more agree with your point.

It's a risky world, but we can't hide in a cave.  What is going to happen will happen.  You may feel some obligation to warn people of a possible danger but I don't think you should carry the weight of the world on your shoulders.  Women are suppose to get tested at least every other year and that will bring your concerns to light if they are partners with people that have been with your wife.  I think we have enough to worry about just taking care of ourselves.

[dickL]

i do need to concentrate on me and 25s who's mentally handicapped and lives at home . we all suffer the consequences of our bad choices and hopefully learn to choose differently . BPD makes this next to impossible for those who are in its grasp. thanks , good advice . antibiotic over use and fewer people live in rural environments where exposure to bacteria during childhood on farms has caused immune sysiems to develop better resistance to these germs . hpv is a virus , antibiotics have no effect on viruses . it does hides from our natural killer t white cells. it wins the battle , we lose and there's no treatment . there needs to be accurate education . hpv is more easily spread than hiv or hep c .  the other side of handwashing came when my son survived a bone marrow transplant while many children died of secondary infections . we washed until they were raw . parents that were lackadasical about washing lost their children.