Tired and sad - trying to trust the untrustworthy

[qcarolr]

DD27 reached her boredom point past couple days. Feeling better on her meds for her depression of past 3 weeks - prozac. Searching out friends. Wonder if she is searching out her favorite pot and someone to smoke with. Missing the ex that charged her with harrassment/domestic violence. No contact order. She went to town today - has her monthly stipend from county - said she was "scared". To meet up with ex? To not find anyone willing to hang out with the "psycho"?

I am very tired and did not ask too many questions. Wanted a break from being her supportive companion and advocate. Trying to let go of my worries - she is a grown up and knows consequences and risks of choices. And seems to get that she in in charge of the choices. At least for today. Praying for her to be safe. All I can do.

Irritable and tearful. In overall pain yet numb to touch - chiropractor thinks flare of fibromyalgia. Haven't had this for a long time. Arthritis pain meds. not helping as much. Sleep deprived - gd has been up during night a lot past couple weeks as I have been distracted with DD. Same ol pattern in some ways. Though have gotten better response from dd and staff at mental health.

As she feels less distressed and depressed, fear she is less likely to follow through with the intensive program. Holiday week here so no once will contact her until next week. Have to work to let go of this outcome. Have done all I can with the opportunites here.

Struggling to manage household and my job this week. Not thinking clearly. Bad news when the bookkeeper and money is tight and I am behind on keeping track of it. Broke down in tears with my boss today -- very embarrassing. Always drama there lately with personnel. I am also wearing the HR hat. Hope to get there tomorrow and catch up. Need everyone to stay out of my space and let me work in peace, instead of being the peace keeper.

Irritable with gd tonight - she left to go across the street to hang out with  one of our 'safety plan' neighbors. This feels bad to me - need to do some repairs in this r/s. Have phone consult next week with gd T. Every thing is put off due to independence day this week.

Breathe, breathe. Get gd to bed. Go to bed and hope everyone sleeps well with DD out of house tonight.

Thanks for listening to my whining.

qcr :'(

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[lbjnltx]

 

Take a respite for as long as you can.

Take care of self first so you will be able to care for others.

[six]

qc,  what you re going thru is so painful, it is sometimes hard for me to even read about it.

what has helped me in the moments of agony is to force myself to remember the things I am grateful for.  my house, my job which pays the bills, my dh who tries to be supportive and cares about me, my other kids who are each challenging in their own way, and even my dBPDs25 who though he brings me much misery, has also been a source of my own growth as a human being. 

I try to write down my gratitudes every day.  it grounds me and helps me remember that we are all going thru our own misery, but the big picture is kind of rosey, when I put on my glasses, that is.

[rainbow54]

Dear QCR,

I am a new member with a 39 year old daughter - diagnosed at 14 with BPD (but never received appropriate treatment/accepted treatment).  I've learned more about BPD, and tools I can use to help myself and my daughter, in the week since I found this site than in the past 25 years.  And many of posts were from you.  Thank you so much.

I can relate to your post- the fatigue and seemingly non-stop drain on emotional and physical energy.  I am sending you a supportive hug and positive vibes for your 'recharging'.

This too shall pass... .