Over?

[Pretty Woman]

Hi All,

   I am just curious has anyone on here had a BPD dump them badly for someone else and come back? When I confronted my ex about her going back to her ex from 10 years ago she cried like a baby and said she was so confused and would probably be better off single (yet she still went with the ex that actually dumped her years ago for her partner she is now divorcing). 

Two days later I get an email telling me she wants nothing to do with me ever including friendship.  That she will never be intimate with me and if I try to contact her she will file a restraining order against me. 

Such extremes from "I love you very much" two days earlier. 

Since then I have made no contact.  She's not my FB friend but she has blocked and unblocked me a few times.  I've been unblocked this past week while she is vacationing with her ex. 

Do I even need to worry about her contacting me? Therapist has told me this is not likely over but she seemed so finite and this new person is fully in the picture but lives 800 miles away.  Thoughts?

She's dumped me four times in the past 11mo but for days not weeks and never for anyone else although she would confide in this ex she is with now every time we'd break.  Only then this ex was partnered up. 

[simplyasiam]

im sure most all have seen them come back

noone can know if she will contact you

seems you may be better off to try and heal some during this time

you may want them but you need yourself even more.

if love/pain is blinding you maybe step back and try to see this is out of control

[MarcinN7]

When you find your own strenght and your own worth you will not worry about her contacting again. Also you will stop caring about what us happening with her at all and live your on life

This is why selfwork is important, because the more you know about yourself and the more you focus on you the better your resistance will be to potential recycling attempts. Because you will not only see and know this person is bad for you but also _feel_ this. And feelings is what is keeping you thinking about this person.

Reading this forum and endless threads about how futile it is to recycle also helps with resistance to recycling.

[bpdspell]

Hey Earth Angel,

I see you are really struggling with acceptance. And it's clear you want to be re-united with the woman you love.

But right now your ex isn't with you and has chosen to break up with you in a cruel and hurtful way. This means your ex is not really a nice or caring person. Your feelings do not matter to her and it's something you should really take into consideration.

Even if she does come back you are only inviting more toxicity and cruel treatment into your life. If you take her back you will be only sending her the message that your willing to chuck your self-respect out of the nearest window to be with her and that will not make her love you more. BPD's can smell our desperation and will treat us like doormats if we choose to give them our power in the face of their tremendous disrespect.

More than likely your ex will try to recycle but it won't be the blissful reunion you dream it to be if she's truly BPD.

I understand your desire for a recycle. We've all been there and perhaps going another round will confirm for you how sick in the head and heart your ex truly is. I recycled with my ex two times when I decided that I was full and got up from the table. Every go round the devaluation became more and more intense as I grasped for crumbs of affection and clung to fantasies of being idealized again. And that's before I discovered BPD.

In my opinion it's never truly over until we accept that a mentally ill person can never have the keys to your happiness.

Spell

[seeking balance]

Nobody knows what your ex will do, heck - she likely doesn't even know what she is going to do next.

But you can determine what you do next, how you will react if she comes back - you get to control you... . this is not something to be taken lightly as you have the keys to your happiness and peace.

Peace,

SB

[willtimeheal]

hard to say what she will do.  Mine always contacted me within a few days.  Right now it has been almost a week.  Hurts like crazy and it is killing me.  I have been recycled so many times by this woman and know earth angel that every time you are recycled the pain is harder to bare.  It is more intense and painful every time. 

I miss my BPD like crazy and winder if she misses me and I hope that she will call but at the same time I am scared of what I will do because I can't continue to be recycled and feel this type of pain and heart break.

[Pretty Woman]

Thanks everyone. I have my moments but it's getting better.  For the first time all month I sat out on the porch and breathed.  I just looked at the trees blowing and smelled the fresh cut grass. I felt better. 

While a part of me wants to see my ex again her treatment of me was beyond cruel. To break up and make up so many times (but I allowed her back-my bad).  I know better. 

The best thing that can happen is she never contacts me again and if she does I will visit this board and re read my posts during my moments of duress. I have felt like my heart was ripped out with both her hands and shoved in a meat grinder. Even an ex that cheated on me long before this relationship wasn't that cruel which speaks volumes. 

40yr old people do not behave like this break up or not.

[scuba02]

Sorry to hear of your difficulties and the endless hours/days spent worrying about it... . I'm your exact situation and have this fantasy things will magically be better if she came back... . Honestly the one saving grace I do have is the program of AA in my life... . About a 1 1/2 ago I used it to help ride myself of an addiction so strong it seemed impossible... . After having my mate leave 2 weeks ago I'm left alone having to ride myself of another addiction (her)... .

One way to look at it that makes sense to me is... . After spending time in the rooms of AA you see people who go back out (i equate this to getting back in the relationship) come back in and speak of terror, frustration, bewilderment and despair... . Ever time they come back in from going out they look a little worse (equate this to recycling)... . They seem a little lower a little more desperate a little more broken... . Could this be the same as the recycling process? It makes sense to me... .

Im honestly hoping for the same as you but in the back of my mind of so so scared of it to happen... . The best thing for all of us to do with our time is work on ourselves... . I hope to be in a much stronger place if this was to happen again... . A place where i could say NO... . Easier said than done! best of luck