Rearranging furniture?

[Newkate]

I wondered if anyone else's pwBPD did this. My BPDex?bf would always start to rearrange furniture or things in a room, or spray paint furniture outside, before he would go into a rage.I made a list of red flags when I felt he was going to have a rage and one of them was rearranging furniture or doing something to control his surrounding environment. 

[Validation78]

Hey Newkate!

I've never heard of the furniture thing specifically, however, my pwBPD often raged before or after certain events, thereby giving me a heads up. I found that the heads up better enabled me to prepare for using the communication skills I learned here. Have you checked these out?

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=56206.msg913190#msg913190

Best Wishes,

Val78

[meplus1]

It clicked when you mentioned rearranging furniture as a means of controlling one's surroundings.  I'm newer here on the forum, but my BPD wife rearranges, almost constantly.  I never really gave it much correlation to the moods or tantrums, or even as a substitute for those.  I will have to watch and see if there is a change for better/worse surrounding her room arrangement rituals.  Living room is worst, btw, that's when I have to go up in the attic and redirect the surround sound speaker wires.  Most times though it is done before I get home from work, but I will definitely be on the look out now that you mention.  Thank you for sharing.

[shamrock]

Sounds familier Another thing she does is do a heavy house cleaning just before, so that she is "supper" over tired

Now that she is "cured" I asked her about that & she said she thought she had to get the house clean because she felt something comming.

The changing furnature,she cannot control her life but can control her suroundings

[Newkate]

Yes! Heavy house cleaning too. Anything to control or change the surrounding environment.

[allinthesmall]

My H always goes outside and rearranges the flowers in the beds in front of the house. Literally digging them up and moving them. Sometimes he'll have to go lay down for a few min. like he's completely overwhelmed.

[patientandclear]

My ex would purge his home -- get rid of things.  Toward the end of his time here, before he moved a few months ago, he had practically no furniture and very few things.  Part of this is an extreme self-denial that I think is related to childhood trauma, but part of it is,  think, a desire to control his environment.  When he is feeling bad he also says things like "I need new friends;" similarly, he suddenly moved from here.  I agree this behavior feels like a desire to change something in hopes it will make them feel better.

[mil2bpd]

What an interesting thread! I'd never made this connection but now that I think about it... . the three PDs I've known now -- my "queen" uBPD MIL, a exuNPD friend and my current uBPD DIL - ALL did this!  My MIL was notorious for not only rearranging furniture but buying new furnishings: it's funny, I even said this to her during our visit this past weekend, she's totally demented (but totally happy, odd how she got once her defenses were stripped) and to make conversation I was saying, "Remember how you loved to always buy new dining room sets and new bedrooms and living rooms and then get new window treatments?". I didn't even connect it with part of the illness until this thread and the responses!

The uNPD friend, a guy, was always moving, of all things, the location of his bedroom -- and his office -- and my DIL was constantly re-arranging pictures, changing placement of the couches.

Interesting how pervasive this need for control is.  Thanks for posting this.

[nyfit1]

My uBPDgf is the same way. Always needs to be controlling something especially when stressed. She on a whim put her house on the market, leased a new car, got plastic surgery, took house off market, remodeled house, bought all new furniture, tore down old pool cause no one used it only to buy a new one. Had to have pool setup immediately only to want to tear it down weeks later cause no one used it. This all took place in the past 4 months. she ckaims she has no time for herself. too budy taking care if everything. She needs constant drama. I really can't imagine her not having something to stress over. She says she has to keep mind distracted.