SOO Confused about contacting him, Bday coming up

[Newkate]

My BPDBF dysregulated a few weeks ago. When it happens, he breaks up with me or "needs a break" from us. Instead of painting me black this time, he seemed pretty down on himself and depressed. Telling me things like: I can’t do this with you currently. I need a climbing partner not a safety net. We’ve ridden the wheels off. It’s better this way. You’ll find happiness again.

It came out of nowhere (well, I guess stress from work triggered it... . and his best friend getting married), but he was not making any sense. Everything he said about taking a break was metaphorical and nonsensical.

He then almost ceremoniously dropped off all of my things when I was not home (on the day before I left on a family trip and on the day I got back from it.)

I am so confused. I don’t know if this is a break up or a break. I don’t know if I should just let him have his space or if I should let him know I am still here for him. I have said things in the past weeks. Instead of getting mad about my stuff being left on my doorstep, I told him thank you and I hoped he was doing well and he is always in my heart. He won’t respond to any of this lovey stuff, except saying “You’re a special girl. One of a kind. I’m sure I’ll see you.”

I don’t know what to do. His birthday is Sunday. I am at a loss if I should contact him or let him know what it feels like to be ignored.

It hurts to see him hurt, but also hurts that he doesn't hurt when I do.

[Validation78]

Hi Newkate:

Whether this is a break or a breakup forever, if you feel like you want to wish him a happy birthday, that is a decision that only you can make. Many members still maintain some contact with their pwBPD even after they split. I realize that you're not sure where this is going, and it sounds like you would be open to a reconciliation, in which case, I think it would be nice to drop him a card, not make a big deal out of it, just to wish him a happy birthday. Anything grandiose might be "offensive" to him, since he did ask for space.I do believe that no matter how someone else behaves, we should still conduct ourselves in a way that is consistent with who we are!

Best Wishes,

Val78