Therapist for Boys who Understands BPD

[k997s]

How do you go about finding a therapist for 2 boys aged 6 and 10 whos mother has BPD  ?

We are already divorced for a couple years but she is affecting them badly and i want to get them help.

The court has allowed this but i need to make sure they understand the effects of BPD mom on kids.

In California if anyone knows and leads

Thanks

[mamachelle]

Hi k997s,

I am glad you are getting your boys into therapy.

I have found therapists through recommendations, through referrals from other docs, and also just by doing web searches for the behaviors i am trying to work on with my kids. I would do a consult with a few T's first if possible to see if you agree with their approach. Also, if you are in therapy, then ask your therapist to suggest one. Usually a good therapist will recommend someone of like mind.

Since you say the court allowed this-- was there some resistance to therapy by BPD mom? How involved will she be in their appointments?

What kinds of behaviors are they showing?

Have the kids been having problems in school or at home or both?

Remember therapists are not all created equal and if mom is going to be a part of the therapy you will need to make sure the therapist is ok with both parents. My experience is that most therapists are well familiar with BPD but they do not use the diagnosis as a basis for therapy-- it is a label-- they want to know what the parent with BPD is doing that directly affects the child.

This is just my experience but PsyD or PhD psychologists have been better for my kids with serious behavior issues of their own. 2 of my SS have many problems and diagnoses separate from bioBPDmom.

mamachelle

[bpdex]

I was in a similar situation with my son and had to find a good therapist that understood BPD.  I talked to several therapists who didn't specialize in children, and asked them who they'd recommend for a child with a BPD mother.  Also I looked for someone who specialized in trauma in children since my son, like many, experienced a lot of psychological trauma when he was with xBPDw.

[DivDad]

Find a therapist who also is familair with BPD.

I had to go thru two.  The first one was clueless of what was happening.

My Bline ex wife would frontload her agenda with the kids (9 and 12).  The first theapist couldn't believe it was happpening.

Be aware that Blines will try and use the sessions to advance their agenda... . using the kids as pawns.

Blines also have a favorite child. 

The favored one will advance the Blines agenda in the sessions.


Blines looks at counseling sessions to spin their distortions.

After the initial sessions, keep the Bline (and you) out of the sessions as much as possible.

If not, the Blines will dominate the agenda.  They have no quams of using the kids.  And using them against you.


Have the kids do one on one's with the theapist.

The theapist can help knowing that the kids are living with... . or influenced by the Bline parent.

I spent 3 months with all the family in the same session and it was a disaster.

One on one is best.  The therapist can sort things out better that way.

If the Bline thinks that the therapist is siding with you... . or the Blines agenda is not being advanced, they will do one of two things.  Want another theapist for a lame reason... . or quit coming to the sessions altogether.  And in the course of time, conviince the favorite child... . not to contribute.

Therapy is a two way sword.  Be aware.