Does this seem normal for BPD?

[findhope]

My D17 claims to have very few memories. She seems to have very clear memories about all the "abuse" she has been through. She remembers all the times she was wronged in any way, every bad teacher, every mean kid... . She does not claim to have any memories about things that seemed to be normal life events. Going to family weddings, family vacations etc. It seems strange to me. A month or so ago I saw a performance group that my D loved when she was little and it brought back so many memories. I mentioned it to her and she had no recognition of what I was talking about. She was obsessed with them from the age of about 4 to 7, but still saw them perform a few times into her early teen years. She even talked about them with her sports team and planned and trained to do their own show better than the performance group. I get not remembering who entertained at your 8th birthday party, but how do you forget an obsession that was a big part of your childhood. Do pwBPD have selective memory?

There are other times she tells a story like "remember the time you did or said... . " There are so many times I have no idea what she is talking about. Sometimes she even says when you were may age you did such and such. When I told her I didn't do that, she claims I told her that I did.

Is she just "remembering" what serves her current state of mind?

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[jellibeans]

This is interesting... . my dd16 seems to remember every dreams she has had but she was tested to see what learning difficulties she has and her memory was terrible... . below average.

She can remember things from her childhood... . in fact her memory is really good about things like that. She does tend to change stories to fit her reality.

Have you ever had her tested?

[findhope]

She has been tested and has learning disabilities. She has very high IQ, used to me dyslexic but had lots of reading therapy and no longer has it. She does have short term memory issues which causes her low executive function (I'm sue the BPD also affects her executive function). Her learning disabilities are severe enough to qualify for accommodations for SATs. I also have learning disabilities, but no memory issues. Despite her LD, she made mostly A's when she applied herself in school.

She has mentioned that she thinks it is weird that she does not remember things. She said when she got together with kids she had not seen since elementary school or middle school, that they would all be talking about funny things that happened or other memories, but she does not remember any of it and can't tell her own remember when stories. But then she will remember something like the teacher in 1st grade who got mad at her one day for taking too much of something off the salad bar.

Very few childhood memories, and only negative ones.

It makes me wonder about a brain injury contributing to all her other issues, or has she just spent so many years in her altered reality of being mistreated that she does remember any of the good stuff.

[heronbird]

They remember the odd one off that happend about 10 years as if it happened 10 mins ago. So if you were a perfect parent and made 3 slip ups over 16 years, they would remember that  

One teacher called her a good for nothing about 7 years ago, you would think it happened last week and she is so wronged by it.

Very typical of BPD

[MarkMo]

Well I don't know if this relates at all but my wife is an undiagnosed BPD. I have researched this and I have spoken to many therapists and they believe that she has this disorder as well.

As far as memory goes, she thinks she remembers my role in everything... . what she thinks I said, what she thinks I did, etc. Sometimes what she remembers is accurate and sometimes it is greatly exaggerated to make my role that much worse.

However, she always forgets what her role was in all of it. She forgets the details of her lies that had to do with me or other people and what her lies put us through. She is intelligent and knows right from wrong but it seems to be easier to justify things in her head if she remembers them her way instead.

Forget about it if I told her that is not the way something happened. Then its always my way or the highway or I am perfect and only I can remember things. I am very new here but I think the lack of memory isn't really indicative. Its the lack of memory with other behavior at the same time.

[MarkMo]

Heronbird must have been typing at the same time I was. I didn't see his post. He is so right.

Its almost like they can't forgive and move on. Till last week she was still bringing up things from 5 years ago. (Separated and going through a divorce now). Every argument we had brought up specifics from years past but never her own.

The was she felt about it was as it had just happened. She could never let anything go and unfortunately for the family of someone with this disorder, well at least I had to let things go almost daily.

[lbjnltx]

Greeting to you findhope  

Here is a link to some information that can help you better understand how memories are created, events recalled, etc... . Keep in mind that a pwBPD (person with BPD) is often in emotional mind and how that might affect Emotional Memory Management and stored files.

lbjnltx