Intake interview for Intensive psycho-social program

[qcarolr]

My biggest concern is for DD to sabatoge this for herself. She has been waiting for a month for this program, and it is so important. Hard for me to let go and just allow things to work out as they will. Dd is out with friends today. If she does not come home tonight, I will try to contact her in the morning to ask if I can pick her up for the appointment.

This program  was offered after Dd's meltdown on 6/20  -- cutting that I had never seen with her before, fight with now exbf that led to him filing harassment charges - and her spending night in jail since automatic domestic violence added. She has cracked - her tough angry persona has 'failed' her. She was open and depressed with the jail (on suicide watch while there in isolation - very humiliating for her), then openingly tearful with crisis mental health team that she agreed to see. She has allowed me to advocate for her to get into this program - and keep on top of the case coordinator dragging his feet to send referral. Intensive program is part of same umbrella mental health organization, but in separate location with separate staff, etc. Will be good to get away from the ineffective situation at the main facility.

If she can get accepted tomorrow they can offer her support with the emotional dysregulation, vocational and educational goals, housing goals (they even have two residences if she would qualify for those), meds., etc. A 'wrap-around' place for her to get all her needs met.

Then she has to face the judge on 8/1 for her harassment charges and her DWAI probation revocation. There will be some kind of sanction and reinstatement of probation most likely. DD is hoping to avoid more jail time.

Your prayers for DD to show up - in body, mind and spirit - tomorrow. And for the counselor to see the 'real' DD. Prayers form me to keep quiet, calm, accepting. THANKS.

qcr  

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Rapt Reader]

"Your prayers for DD to show up - in body, mind and spirit - tomorrow. And for the counselor to see the 'real' DD. Prayers form me to keep quiet, calm, accepting. THANKS."

You've got it, qcarolr     I'm sorry for the extra stress added to this already trying situation; I know how it feels to think that the value/importance you put on an appointment like this might not be shared by your child... . I will pray that she will come home safe and sound and be ready to go to that important appointment tomorrow. Godspeed... . one day at a time... .

   Rapt Reader

[pessim-optimist]

Praying for you and your dd, qcr   

[jellibeans]

qcr

Maybe this is the bottom she needed to reach to be open for help... . I will say a prayer for you and your dd... . I hope she gets the help she needs... . stay strong... .  

[qcarolr]

DD did go to this appt today. She was out overnight with friends but did reply when I called about going to the intake. When I picked her up at park she was snuggling a newborn raccoon in a hoody tied around her waist. Had been traveling around town since 1am with it. Maybe she allowed me to take her to this appt. only to ask me to help with this raccoon babe. She gave it to me to figure out - I took it to the wildlife rehab in next town. They are going to return to the place DD found it and try to reunite with mom raccoon tonight - too young to survive without mom. Tried to tell DD it is best to leave wild babies where the parents can come back for them, but could tell this would trigger an argument, so let it drop.

Feel sadness about this appt. - DD has closed the vulnerable spot in her heart today that allowed her to be honest about her needs over the past month. She was all about getting a job, place to live and a car. The M-House does coordinate these services too. They experienced case manager promised did not show up - only the newbie that was supposed to be observing. So no way to entice anything related to needs for mental health treatment onto the treatment plan. And I was not going to push things today when points of agitation popped up. The intake worker offered to worked with the two of us to build better communication - DD's answer was that this had never worked as I get all emotional and then Dd is treated like the bad guy. "I could always tell when my mom had talked to anyone at school... . "

So came home trying to let go of this outcome and my disappointment.

Than got a call from the jail. DD is there on charge of breaking no contact order with exbf M. I was having trouble hearing her at first - assume they crossed paths during the night somewhere and he reported it today. There was no hint of this at noon from her. She said she wants to stay - do not bond her out this time. She called only to ask me to drop off her meds. and pickup her backpack and phone.

Called the jail - she has to sign for me to get her stuff, call me that this is done, then I have to call for an appt. to pick it up. A couple years ago it was not this hard. I just showed up and asked, they got her to sign the form, then gave me the stuff. I do know that her stuff is in property locked up. Maybe DD is worried they will look at her phone and see texts with exbf - bad evidence!

Called her lawyer who will be there for her next Tuesday in court. This will be a long weekend for DD. Hope she can get some rest actually. That is my plan - get some respite.

Going on a walk with dh and gd. It is a beautiful day. Accept that things will work out as they will without my input. This is such a hard lesson to learn - to let it go again.

qcr  

[lovesjazz]

Qcarol,

You are such a role model.  I find it difficult to disconnect. I hate to say this, but I am most peaceful when we dont hear from our BPDs. My dh is able to let this go a lot better than I. Enjoy your peaceful weekend.

[pessim-optimist]

It is so sad, qcr,   

Also good to know that dd is safe, though... .

[qcarolr]

pessio - thanks for the   . Trying to stay upbeat about all this - DD seems to be Ok so far. Tomorrow when she calls -- who knows?

lovesjazz -- for me this is more about finding a path to a healthy connection with my D. Sometimes this requires some emotional (and physical) distance to take care of my own needs. It is really easy to think - "How can she be doing this TO ME?"  Her choices are about her, not me. Only when I can resist that motherly urge to take it personal - to attempt to carry her problems for her - can I meet her in a healthy way. This is loving detachment -- keeping connected in a healthy way. This is what the balance we teach here at bpdfamily.com about values/boundaries-validation is about for me. It is sure a tough balance to find, and then even harder to hold onto. The darn world just won't stay the same from one moment to the next  

I took DD's meds to the jail for her, and got a statment from her so I can get her stuff from the city court building tomorrow afternoon. She is in the county jail, though it is in the same city. She has another harassment and domestic violence charge plus the violation of non-contact order from the harassment/dv charges from a month ago. GEEZ - why couldn't she just stay home and be bored  

So now I need the courage to tell her I will not be at the arraingement hearing at the jail on Monday. Home with gd. Can check on results later in the day.

I know this cycle will continue in her life until she is able to start real treatment - this takes accepting responsibility for the problems she faces as being from her choices. I keep holding onto a hope that I can sense this happening. Kind of fuzzy, cloudy thinking, huh?

Feeling much more clear than a month ago. See this as coming from DD's calmness, not my own necessarily.

Appreciate all your kind thoughts and prayers.

qcr  

[peaceplease]

Oh, my dear qcr   I haven't been here, lately.  I am so sorry, for all that you have gone through.  How heartbreaking to hear about recent events!

I will continue to keep you and family in my prayers.

 

peaceplease

[mggt]

Dear qc,  Keeping you in our thoughts and prayers good luck next week   

[jellibeans]

qcarolr

Is there any update on your dd? How are you doing? You are in my thoughts and prayers

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[qcarolr]

Check out my new thread.  Dd in jail... .

She got bad infection so we bailed her out. Not sure if good long term but she was not getting timely care.

Qcr