Sudden onset?

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Please read my intro.

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=205525.0

Has anybody else experienced a sudden onset of BPD. Her only reckless behavior is shopping (better now, but was out of control). All other symptoms are same as you all describe.  is it possible she controlled it all those years without a therapist help? Could it be a new condition? She is 50 now. Menopause was yearsago. Is it possible if we do things right we  can control this as quickly as it began?

[Sad sack]

Please read my intro.

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=205525.0

Has anybody else experienced a sudden onset of BPD. Her only reckless behavior is shopping (better now, but was out of control). All other symptoms are same as you all describe.  is it possible she controlled it all those years without a therapist help? Could it be a new condition? She is 50 now. Menopause was yearsago. Is it possible if we do things right we  can control this as quickly as it began?

[Sad sack]

It feels good to get this off my chest, I'll keep going. First marriage I just argued back, this marriage (same woman) I'm trying different things. I've tried talking to her in soothing tones and holding her. One time I was holding her and told her we needed to stop talking because we both knew where it was going. And from her heart in a sad voice she said she knew, but couldn't stop. 30 seconds later in a weak voice she said who is she(I hear this one every episode) and that was it, full rage. I've never even close to cheating, ever. I've tried just taking it while she is raging. I've tried time outs, but not consistently yet. She says the most hateful, hurtful things that just aren't true. And honestly it leaves me in shreds for days, and she lacks empathy which also adds to the hurt.  This is all from who I know is the girl of my dreams. I'm gonna try to quit taking this personally, I hope that helps. I'm also gonna practice validation, put together boundaries and timeouts. I'm hoping to ride out this storm and get back on track before it crashes. Which honestly could happen any moment. Getting thrown out would  be a real game changer that I don't think we would recover from. Not many people have the marital bliss we once had. I wish that would motivate her like it does me. I should add there has never been cheating. Only minor violence from her, I'm over it. No irreconcilable differences. There was pain from our divorce. But nothing has ever happened that we can't get past.

[Sad sack]

Since it is unusual for BPD to be sudden, let me list the symptoms.

Huge fear of abandonment.

Uncontrolled rage is the usual result of any disagreement.

Total lack of intimacy or trust. We used to be very intimate. I knew her like I knew myself. 100 percent trust and love. This was a 2 way street. These things were never violated (either way) but are non existent now. There was minor violence from her, but nothing I'm not over. Never any cheating, or anything like it.

Push /pull

These blow outs are becoming more frequent.  during an episode she says the most hateful hurtful things. And none of them are true. Broken record. Coming from the woman I love, leaves me in shreds. The next morning, she has no remorse, won't talk about it, and wants hugs and kisses. I'm tore up, and she is happy as can be.

She paints me black and white. I think most people she talks to about me think I'm a jerk.

What confuses me is if she believes these things, why does she want to stay married to met? 

[bruceli]

Since it is unusual for BPD to be sudden, let me list the symptoms.

Huge fear of abandonment.

Uncontrolled rage is the usual result of any disagreement.

Total lack of intimacy or trust. We used to be very intimate. I knew her like I knew myself. 100 percent trust and love. This was a 2 way street. These things were never violated (either way) but are non existent now. There was minor violence from her, but nothing I'm not over. Never any cheating, or anything like it.

Push /pull

These blow outs are becoming more frequent.  during an episode she says the most hateful hurtful things. And none of them are true. Broken record. Coming from the woman I love, leaves me in shreds. The next morning, she has no remorse, won't talk about it, and wants hugs and kisses. I'm tore up, and she is happy as can be.

She paints me black and white. I think most people she talks to about me think I'm a jerk.

What confuses me is if she believes these things, why does she want to stay married to met? 





[/quote

She knows she got you hooked, not once, but twice... . you are her care taker and she feels safe with you although as you have pointed out does not trust you.  Who else does she REALLY have?