Her exhb called today wanting to discuss kids.

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

So after almost 3 weeks NC and am finally having an ok day, doing lots of reflecting and not getting all wrapped up in this woman that I love so much, maybe some acceptance is setting in.  I get a call from her ex husband.  Gf and I each have 10 year old sons who go to the same school and are best friends, more like brothers.  That is actually how we met.  I don't talk to her exhb much but have had some very insightful conversations.  He called today to talk about the kids.  His son, gf son, was almost in tears today because his mom wont let him have a play date with my son.  His son I have to add has some issues of his own, which have been an issue in my r/s.  I think in reality that he is picking up on BPD traits from his mom which is apparent in his relationship with my son.  Hard for me to deal with watching my child go through the push pull stuff. But my son like his dad is fairly resilient and enjoys his friendship.  He too is wanting to see his friend.  

The last thing I heard from her is ":)ont ever call me again, and don't try to reconcile."  So I'm not which makes it extra hard on these kids.  Its not like a divorce where the brothers stay together and the parents split.  I have been told by T that she will contact you when she is ready, although this time feels different.  I so much want to go to her place pound on the door and tell her that she is welcome to destroy all the relationships that she wants but does she really want her son to suffer as much as she does.  I am genuinly scared for her son that he is learning to be just like his mom.

What in the world do I do.  Her exhb wants me to write up a "contract" as to how it is going to be with regards to us being together.  I never in my life thought that someones exhb would be wanting so bad for us to be together.  In the 20 years he has know her, even through their r/s, he says he has never seen her really happy until me.

[emotionaholic]

So after almost 3 weeks NC and am finally having an ok day, doing lots of reflecting and not getting all wrapped up in this woman that I love so much, maybe some acceptance is setting in.  I get a call from her ex husband.  Gf and I each have 10 year old sons who go to the same school and are best friends, more like brothers.  That is actually how we met.  I don't talk to her exhb much but have had some very insightful conversations.  He called today to talk about the kids.  His son, gf son, was almost in tears today because his mom wont let him have a play date with my son.  His son I have to add has some issues of his own, which have been an issue in my r/s.  I think in reality that he is picking up on BPD traits from his mom which is apparent in his relationship with my son.  Hard for me to deal with watching my child go through the push pull stuff. But my son like his dad is fairly resilient and enjoys his friendship.  He too is wanting to see his friend.  

The last thing I heard from her is ":)ont ever call me again, and don't try to reconcile."  So I'm not which makes it extra hard on these kids.  Its not like a divorce where the brothers stay together and the parents split.  I have been told by T that she will contact you when she is ready, although this time feels different.  I so much want to go to her place pound on the door and tell her that she is welcome to destroy all the relationships that she wants but does she really want her son to suffer as much as she does.  I am genuinly scared for her son that he is learning to be just like his mom.

What in the world do I do.  Her exhb wants me to write up a "contract" as to how it is going to be with regards to us being together.  I never in my life thought that someones exhb would be wanting so bad for us to be together.  In the 20 years he has know her, even through their r/s, he says he has never seen her really happy until me.

[Validation78]

Hi emotion!

Is it your intention to reconcile with her or is the 3 weeks NC the prelude to a breakup? I know she told you not to contact her, but what do you want for the future of the relationship?

Why can't you, for the time being, arrange play dates for the boys with the exhusband when he has his son?

Best Wishes,

Val78

[emotionaholic]

It is not my intention to end this relationship.  After she told me to not contact her I told her that I loved her very much and that I was not going anywhere and I want her in my life.  She looked at me like I was the devil.  We had just gotten back on speaking terms after a month long breakup initiated by me.  During which time her T told me she has BPD but is not diagnosed.  I keep rehashing our last interactions where I told her that I was taking my friends out on my boat.  She hates these people and has accused me of having an emotional affair with my friends wife.  This has been a major issue in our relationship.  But this time I decided to stop abandoning my friendship of 20 years and let her know that I was doing something with them.  The previous breakup was due to a raging fight because I lent my friends wife a sweatshirt at my 40th bday party.  I am quit certain that she took that as me choosing them over her and is utterly devastated by it, abandoned.  I tried using SET to get through to her, but she just sat there silent until she asked me to leave.

As far as prelude to breakup, I have no idea.  She never said we were through, but she has deleted me from social networks, which she has never done.  A lot of me thinks that she is just trying to punish me, while I am just in limbo.

As far as the kids go I do try to make arrangements through the exhb but conflicting schedules make it difficult.