Fostering Realistic Hope

[qcarolr]

This brings to mind a deeper thought. For me, being on this forum since 2009 soon after DD got her BPD dx in May 2009. Why do I still come here after so long. Well, lots of seeds get planted and some grow while others wither. I can see many that are still here continuing to grow, share their stories and have positive impact for others joining in here. Some that arrive are not ready, and we do not hear from them - maybe never again, maybe not too often. What am I trying to say here?

It is a never-ending process, my life. And I need, really really need, relationship with others here to keep from getting stagnant and losing all that I have gained. And I do lose touch with who I desire to become often. Vivek  - thanks for offering so much hope with your stories.

qcr  

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[vivekananda]

ah sweet qcr - me too, back to you. My eyes are wet ... . again... . I understand what you say and you strike a chord.

Sometimes I wonder why I am here, but not for long. I know I need this place and you and the others just to keep me on track. a source of support and guidance that is priceless (    to you). Also a great big     to those who in the higher echelons continue to work hard - and I have seen a little of that work and I do appreciate that a lot goes on behind scenes to keep us here. And the greatest big     to those who started us and continue to guide and care for us.

There is so much I have yet to learn, practice and change. A work in progress. This place has kept me sane and kept depression at bay. At various times I am so very vulnerable. To be able to participate on these boards is a blessing indeed.

sending love out to the universe,

Vivek    

[vivekananda]

OK. We have the 3 R's for schooling. Now we have the 4 R's for BPD  

This is an adaptation of work by Peter McKenzie of the 3 Rs by Harriet Lefley in Gunderson, J & Hoffman, P 2005, Ch 8

Resist     from 1) being drawn into the vortex of emotional storms and 2) relying on rational explanations to change things.

Rest       from intervening or trying to fix it - knowing when to step back with mindfulness and start noticing. This creates space to:

Reflect   and consider when and what relationally mindful action to take on your own behalf or on behalf of the person you support.

              Then you can:

Respond with informed understanding, relational mindfulness, validation, restor(y)ing conversation & boundaries.

It has taken me some weeks to absorb these words and see the wisdom in them. I hope you can too  

cheers,

Vivek   

[mamachelle]

The 4 R's are brilliant! Thanks, I need to memorize them now and get them into my everyday brain like my pin numbers for the ATM machine. 

Resist     from 1) being drawn into the vortex of emotional storms and 2) relying on rational explanations to change things.

This getting rid of relying  on rational explanations to change things  has been the one thing that I find the hardest to deal with and my trick is just to use the (ok I am in Oz) metaphor and then I can proceed. Most of the 'good advice' I get from others is using "rational explanations for change" also in terms of hope for the future there seems to be a "rational expectation for growth and maturity and change" much like the height/weight chart you see at the pediatrician. I am still trying to cope with that as I have dialed back my expectations and am comfortable with those different expectations for my Step Sons but when I express these to others it can make them uncomfortable.

I read through one piece of the article you posted on the support group for parents whose child had had a first episode of psychosis. I would very much like to find a group like that, however, I have little time for it. At least reading about it has helped me know I am not alone and that others are dealing with these "rational explanations" that seem completely irrational when applied to the situations many of us cope with daily.

Hope this makes some sense.   

  mamachelle

[vivekananda]

You know mamachelle, in the US there is a lot about Oz that totally confused me when I first came across it... . you know, references to tin man and so on. You see Oz is also shorthand for Australia and that's what I first think of 

But yes, I get it - that is my hardest thing too I think. My head is so 'logic wired' and I am learning to let go it of. But I still need desperately to understand, everything! I think full blown psychosis is one end of an extreme ... . like on a continuum with a tipping edge. A sort of seesaw, when the weight goes too far in one direction, it tips you over. Really what we need is that wonderful balance or maybe slight swings that we have good control over... .

A weekend yoga retreat that I did referred to the path we can walk on one side is logic and control, on the other is chaos and creativity. If we can straddle that, we are in a really good place.

take care girl   

Vivek