boundary setting

[gypsy rose]

Hi, I'm new here, thought i was divorcing, hub showed back up at the house and just rather moved in. (He sleeps in his car, or in one of the sheds). I'm ok with him having a safe place, (i think) but he rather just takes over.  He says it's only until he fixes the car and he does have a job out of town in a couple of weeks, so it's temporary  ( i think ).

The issue i'm having is his drinking.  He looked to be getting congestive heart failure, was working on his health after getting caught with meth, etc.  I heard from people that he was staying with that he was not drinking, etc.

When he showed up back here (said i would fix the car, i feel i owe it to him for his 10 years with me to at least get him a working vehicle) he was drinking out at the pond, and I saw him with a bottle of scotch. 

I'm really not OK with his hard liquor, temper issues aside, i just don't want to watch him drink himself to death.  Communication between us has been sketchy at best, this is the most contact we've had in months, and it's precious little.  He invited himself into the house to use the toilet, the laundry, etc.  I previously told him if he needed a place to stay he could, so that's not an issue, per se.  (although manners would be nice, he is not known for them).

What is the best (safest) way to tell him i'm not OK with hard liquor here?  any and all tips appreciated.  he is uBPD... . and not into helping himself with his health, at least in front of me.

thanks

[Validation78]

Hi gypsy!

You're in a tough situation, and you know the answer already. It's about boundaries. When we talk about boundaries here, we are referring to rules for ourselves, based on our values. The rules are for us because we of course cannot make anyone else do/not do anything.

So, if you do not want him there, you must take action for him being there. If it's alright for him to be there if he doesn't drink, and he drinks, then you must take action for him doing so. i.e. calling the police or telling him to leave. If it's alright for him to use the rest room but only with your permission, lock the doors, and he will have to knock, and wait for you to open the door and come in if you allow it. None of these things really have to be discussed with him. It's all for you to decide by the way you respond to his actions! We know, pwBPD are boundary busters, and if you give them an inch, they'll take a mile.

Best Wishes,

Val78

[gypsy rose]

i think i get this.  The hard drinking is the one i'm not ok with.  so i'll just start there.  thanks.