So angry... finally

[eternity75]

My boyfriend has been baiting other women and cheating on me since we met. He cried and begged and clung to me for hours the first time he got got. He called 75 times in one day another time, crying, sobbing, begging. I have given him multiple chances and told him he's on his last one... . no more.

Well tonight he's supposed to get on a bus to come visit me as we live 5 hours apart and haven't seen each other in weeks now. He got off work and then texted me when he got home saying he was going to shower and would call me after his shower. 35 minutes went by, then 40... . I know it takes him like 10 minutes to shower. So I started calling him. I called every 10 minutes until an hour time had past since he had sent his text. No answer continually. Finally sent him a text after an hour and 10 minutes. Still no response. He finally texts me back with a snarky attitude saying he was busy talking to his roommate and had left his phone in his room to charge. So I apologized for calling him so many times and bothering him. He "graciously" forgave me.

I just checked his call/text logs (he doesn't know I have access to these) and the whole time he was ignoring me, pretending he showered and talked to his roommate, he was texting another woman. I don't have the ability to see the texts that were sent, but I don't really care at this point. I'm so f-ing mad... . sick of his lies, his games, his manipulations. I REALLY want to call him and tell him to turn the hell around, go home, and never call me again. But I paid for his damn bus ticket and he promised to pay me back. So now I will wait for him to come here, get my money back from him, "pretend" through the weekend... . and when he leaves I am DONE. Enough of this BS!

I DESERVE BETTER!

[Validation78]

Hi eternity!

Sorry that you have to go through being treated this way. You sound like a very forgiving and trusting person.

The sad part is, your bf knows this, and will trample all over your boundaries if you let him. There have likely been no consequences to his behaviors if you allow him to cross your boundaries time and time again.

If this is it for you, why will you pretend through the weekend?

Best Wishes,

Val78

[eternity75]

Hi Validation,

You are right... . I have continually forgiven him, given him 2nd and 3rd and 4th chances to which other guys I have given none. I have been asking myself "What is wrong with me?" that I have been accepting this behaviour time and time again. I can only chalk it up to 2 things... . one he fed me every line I've wanted to hear my entire life... . to where I fell deeply in love with him hard and fast... . and he manages to give me just enough to keep me holding on to hope. And 2... . I grew up with a BPD father... . and I think there are deep rooted patterns and issues that I was not even aware I had... . until now

The reason I will pretend through the weekend... . is I know if I tell him to his face that we are over and give him the reasons... . he will cry, and beg me not to leave him again... . and for some reason I cannot resist through that. I break down, I start feeling bad for him, empathtic... . after all who is this poor creature wrapping himself around me, clinging to me as if his life depends on it? My profession is in psychology... . I have worked with troubled children for years. On the other end of the spectrum, I go around saving poor abandoned or injured animals. And so it is engrained in me, when I see suffering, I naturally want to stop it. I want to help. I want to make their pain go away. And I especially do not want to cause more of it.

I am the perfect BPD target. I could stay in this for years. If it wasn't for seeing the misery my mom endured and how her life has turned out... . remembering the pain and suffering our whole family ensured... . omg. I have ignored the obvious long enough and every part of me screams "get out while you can!". He has never raged on me because we are in a perpetual cycle of honeymoons and breakups (or near-breakups) and being long distance makes it easier for him to keep from becoming angry with me. But the cheating I have endured until my self-esteem is garbage. I have to end it... . but I can't do so with him standing right in front of me.

[Validation78]

Hi eternity!

I'm glad to hear that you aware of your part in this. You've had some tough life experiences, however, when you feel up to it, you can take those experiences and turn them around, and use them for the greater good. Address your coDep tendencies, and get yourself healthy before getting into another unhealthy relationship!

Just a suggestion here. How about asking a friend or family member to be with you while you tell him to go home today. Pretending for the weekend may not be the best thing for you, and only cause you stress, or worse yet, pull you back into the FOG. Whatever your decision, it's your choice. Since you're here, and asking for other opinions, I just thought I'd throw out this one.

Best Wishes,

Val78