Things going well

[Parents! Get help here!]

HI all,

I just wanted to post and say that my life is going well at the moment.   

I set a strong boundary about 6 weeks or so ago with my DD and so far we've both managed to keep to it.    I told her honestly that when I get involved in her life I get too overinvolved which isn't good for her - or me.    I keep reinforcing that I love her and I believe in her and trust that she can manage her own life (even though I don't totally believe it).    We are in contact every few days.  Sometimes 2 days go by, sometimes 4 or 5 days - which is much longer than ever before.   We are keeping in touch by text & email mainly but in the 6 weeks she's visited me twice at home - and both times it went OK.  I think she was nervous & anxious because she talked non-stop and was very opinionated.  I just remained calm and didn't react to anything - but felt a little rattled when she left.    She's not a peaceful soul to be around.

I get into bed at night now feeling emotionally secure and serene and not 'bruised and battered' as though I am a fragile butterfly, being tossed about by the emotional climate around me, which is how it used to be.    My focus has shifted away from her and back on myself and my life (where it needs to be).   

I'll finish with a quote that I found (humourously) true from the walking on eggshells book.  It goes something like this ... .   "Trying to meet the needs of a person with BPD is like trying to fill the Grand Canyon with water using a teaspoon - except the Grand Canyon has a bottom".

Blessings,

cookiekate  xx   

[cookiekate]

HI all,

I just wanted to post and say that my life is going well at the moment.   

I set a strong boundary about 6 weeks or so ago with my DD and so far we've both managed to keep to it.    I told her honestly that when I get involved in her life I get too overinvolved which isn't good for her - or me.    I keep reinforcing that I love her and I believe in her and trust that she can manage her own life (even though I don't totally believe it).    We are in contact every few days.  Sometimes 2 days go by, sometimes 4 or 5 days - which is much longer than ever before.   We are keeping in touch by text & email mainly but in the 6 weeks she's visited me twice at home - and both times it went OK.  I think she was nervous & anxious because she talked non-stop and was very opinionated.  I just remained calm and didn't react to anything - but felt a little rattled when she left.    She's not a peaceful soul to be around.

I get into bed at night now feeling emotionally secure and serene and not 'bruised and battered' as though I am a fragile butterfly, being tossed about by the emotional climate around me, which is how it used to be.    My focus has shifted away from her and back on myself and my life (where it needs to be).   

I'll finish with a quote that I found (humourously) true from the walking on eggshells book.  It goes something like this ... .   "Trying to meet the needs of a person with BPD is like trying to fill the Grand Canyon with water using a teaspoon - except the Grand Canyon has a bottom".

Blessings,

cookiekate  xx   

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[pessim-optimist]

Thank you for the update.

Good for you! That's wonderful news! 

[BioAdoptMom3]

I am so glad you have come up with a coping solution which is working!  I know that has to be a relief for you right now!  Thanks for sharing your AWESOME news!

[angeldust1]

Dear Cookie,

"She is not peaceful soul to be around".  Wow what a familiar statement.

  Peaceful is hardly a trait of the BPD.  But we do not have to buy into it.  I feel like I'm about to pop like a balloon anytime I am around my pwBPD.  At any moment I will bump into a pin and pow there I go.

  It is so nice to watch from afar,  and not have to react.  They are spinning like a top,  and we don't have to do a thing,  but let them spin.

Good luck and so happy for you.

[vivekananda]

Hi cookiekate,

thanks for the update 

Go you girl!

Vivek    

[pessim-optimist]

... . I feel like I'm about to pop like a balloon anytime I am around my pwBPD.  At any moment I will bump into a pin and pow there I go.

What a good description, angel. 

When we do create our own little peaceful bubble, we need those boundaries in place, so our bubble doesn't get burst. 

That is an ideal situation though, it is not always realistic. But we can keep working on getting better. 

[Someday . . .]

I am so happy for you!  When you are able to find a place of peace, it's such a relief.  May you and your daughter continue to be able to respect the boundaries.  It sounds as though it may be a benefit to you both.