BPDW Stalking Behavior and Custody

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Status.  Currently separated from BPDW.  We have teen DD.  Now readying to file for divorce.  Three years ago, BPDW arrested and charged with criminal trespass and resisting arrest.  At court hearing, judge dropped the resisting arrest charge and sentenced her to 50 hours community service on the trespass charge.  Learned recently, that BPDW carried on an affair with her court appointed lawyer after the case, and later engaged in stalking behavior that included breaking and entering into his home (he never called police) and destroying his property.  Evidence:  texts of cell phone between BPDW and lawyer and $5000 repair bill from car dealer for repair of damaged car. 

What impact, if any, could such behavior on part of BPDW have on custody?  Could lawyer, as an officer of the court,  be deposed and have to answer questions about what happened vis-a-vis stalking behavior and destruction of property?  Would be more difficult to prove adultery, as it is criminal offense in our jurisdiction and he would claim 5th Amendment right against self incrimination. 

What I want to show, however, is the same pattern of behavior that led to her arrest three years ago has continued afterward. 

[fsoduck]

Status.  Currently separated from BPDW.  We have teen DD.  Now readying to file for divorce.  Three years ago, BPDW arrested and charged with criminal trespass and resisting arrest.  At court hearing, judge dropped the resisting arrest charge and sentenced her to 50 hours community service on the trespass charge.  Learned recently, that BPDW carried on an affair with her court appointed lawyer after the case, and later engaged in stalking behavior that included breaking and entering into his home (he never called police) and destroying his property.  Evidence:  texts of cell phone between BPDW and lawyer and $5000 repair bill from car dealer for repair of damaged car. 

What impact, if any, could such behavior on part of BPDW have on custody?  Could lawyer, as an officer of the court,  be deposed and have to answer questions about what happened vis-a-vis stalking behavior and destruction of property?  Would be more difficult to prove adultery, as it is criminal offense in our jurisdiction and he would claim 5th Amendment right against self incrimination. 

What I want to show, however, is the same pattern of behavior that led to her arrest three years ago has continued afterward. 

[scraps66]

Sounds like you have some pretty good end points to connect the dots.  The issue will be, one, will the court accept the synopsis and, two, do you have an attoreny that can present this material in a manner well received by court.

I am in the process of connecting these dots myself going back years.  My one fear is that, since thing shaven't been as tense in the court usual last 6 month period, I may be seen as some kind of baby.  But, the evidence of pattern behavior does not lie and is consistent, for years. 

[ForeverDad]

Welcome back!  But also sad that you found it necessary to return.

One impression I've gained from here and in family court is that the court looks at the parent or spouse through two separate filters, as though adult behaviors are distinct and separate from parenting behaviors.  Her poor adult behaviors may be described in court and your judge may rule that it doesn't affect custody or parenting time, or not by much.  A big factor is whether the prior charges had any connection with your daughter or stbEx's parenting.

Besides parenting behavior, the courts look at parenting history, the roles each parent had and whether one parent had majority time parenting.

I also recall my initial Custody Evaluation report stated my ex couldn't share 'her' child but the father could.  That meant a lot to the evaluator.

Finally, your teen will be an adult within 4 years.  She's old enough that she can voice her preferences and the court might take that into consideration in any rulings.  So my question is, What does your daughter want?  If to live mostly with you, can her mother sway her to change her mind during these long months in court?

Best to get a favorable temp order from the very start... . temp orders have a nasty tendency to become permanent.  If you get an unfavorable ruling, your daughter will be driving in a year or two and she may decide to 'vote' with her feet, something court may not be inclined to block.

[livednlearned]

Courts tend to not want to look at stuff that happened more than 6 months ago. Behavior that happens once the court clock starts ticking (after filing for custody) is what really counts.

Also, sometimes the court wants to know why, if this is such a bad thing, did you stay in the r/s for the last 3 years.

Last, like FD said, what really matters is behavior that impacts DD.