So, very tired.

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

OK, I'm new here, and have posted in the newbie board... .

I guess the question I have is "What now?" I'm very overwhelmed and I don't know exactly what to do. On the one hand, it feels good to know that this actually fits her problems, but on the other it's a lot to take in. My wife is currently undiagnosed, I've just started researching this and I've realized that this may be my life and it has been for 16+ years. She's going to see a new psychiatrist in a couple of weeks.

My sister recommended contacting the psychiatrist privately and letting them know what my thoughts are to be better prepared, but that feels like going behind my wife's back and I don't want to end up in a situation where I cause more problems or block something that may help her.

I'm just tired, after so many years and now really looking back at what I've been through, I wonder how many more I can handle. Honestly, I know this board is supposed to give some hope that they can get to some semblance of normal with therapy, but I don't know.

[lostandunsure]

OK, I'm new here, and have posted in the newbie board... .

I guess the question I have is "What now?" I'm very overwhelmed and I don't know exactly what to do. On the one hand, it feels good to know that this actually fits her problems, but on the other it's a lot to take in. My wife is currently undiagnosed, I've just started researching this and I've realized that this may be my life and it has been for 16+ years. She's going to see a new psychiatrist in a couple of weeks.

My sister recommended contacting the psychiatrist privately and letting them know what my thoughts are to be better prepared, but that feels like going behind my wife's back and I don't want to end up in a situation where I cause more problems or block something that may help her.

I'm just tired, after so many years and now really looking back at what I've been through, I wonder how many more I can handle. Honestly, I know this board is supposed to give some hope that they can get to some semblance of normal with therapy, but I don't know.

[Validation78]

Hi Lost!

Welcome! Many of us here can relate to your feeling of being overwhelmed. I know when I discovered what the problem was, I researched, read, and tried to understand what BPD is. I did feel better knowing that it is something, and wasn't m y imagination.

Have you checked out The Lessons on The Staying Board. There is a lot of information there, and what you may benefit from is learning how you can impact the relationship. Although your wife may be the pwBPD, there is a lot you can do to make things better. We talk a lot here about our parts, and how we cannot control what our loved one does, and how we have all the control over what we do.

Hang in there. Learn what you can, and post questions and ideas. You'll learn a lot from our members!

Best Wishes,

Val78

[nodoover]

I can relate. I only figured it out myself a few months ago and we have been together 15 yrs and married 14.

Before we semi retired he worked swings and me days and we were in the early years so i was in the adoration phase and loving it.

The spurts of rage and anger I thought were at work and encouraged him to retire early. That was actually a huge mistake, we are in fish bowl here in small town, but are pretty stuck with housing prices.

Wow, the last 8 yrs here in small town made things worse, he can't hold down part time job (his city job was easier and worked mostly alone) he can't deal with authority at all. When I didn't know what was wrong I handled it all wrong I got defensive, argued back, etc.

Finally I went to counseling just for me and went online with all of his symptoms and talked to counselor about it because it all seemed to fit. He would only go for a few sessions with his own after a bad episode that got suicidal, this has been a few times.

I was going out of my mind like you and then it all clicked in what was wrong with him, not diagnosed like your wife but everything fits. My counselor based on what I told her agreed.

Like you I have been doing a lot of studying. One of the books highly recommended here is Walking on Egg Shells and I am reading it now. Great book.

Right now he is going through a happy period but I know at any time anything could set him off. Its hard to live life on edge like this. I exercise a lot, helps me the most.

Good luck.