Thing is she's been away for a couple of weeks, and is coming back this weekend. If she stays with him then yeah, I am definitely not interested... . but she still has the option to come back, end it with him and talk to me seriously about if we're a viable thing. I told her that if she loved me and did want to be with me, that this plan of hers was ridiculous and she couldn't expect me to sit around and wait while she's off with someone else. She has one more chance to make this right, but I don't have high hopes that she will do what's necessary and end it with him :/
I told her that no-one should be second best, and that if he is a substitute for me then she needs to stop sleeping with him, and if I'm not her number 1 then I'm not interested. I've known her for nearly 3 years, and I can understand how, in her head, this all makes sense. But I flat out told her that every day she is with him instead of doing something to positively reenforce us, she's destroying any chance we have of reconciling that much more. She knows that staying with him is going to destroy us, and that if she's serious about this then she needs to stop drinking, stop messing about with this guy and stop going out every night... . and instead, clear her head and work out what the hell she wants and how she's going to get it - whatever/whoever that may be.
If she wanted to come back to me, I would not just take her back as I have in the past... . she would have to be single and unattached for a while and would have to make an effort to get some therapy or something... . after what she's done this time, I'm not even ready to be with her again any time soon. I just feel like if she does love me, and is worth it, then she will do what's necessary to get back what we used to have. If she can't do that for me, after everything I did for her, then she was never worth it anyway, so I never really lost her
As far as I'm aware, they slept together a few times week before last, but aren't seeing eachother... . and her and I were arguing a lot then. Now she's been away and it's me that she misses, not him... . yes, I know that sounds naive of me to believe that she's not playing the both of us, but I'm not going to contact him again to find out, I'm sure everything will become a lot more clear when she gets back.
My life has already changed so much that she wouldn't be able to be with me now anyway, not without therapy/coping methods. The big problem was that I had no social life or friends, especially female friends, and now I'm talking to an average of 20 people on facebook a day and going out a lot more. I know how she would feel about that and how impossible it would be for her to fit into my life now. That's why I know she needs to clear her head somehow... . I don't want her right now, I just don't want to give up on what we had, if that makes sense? It would take a hell of a lot for her to earn my trust again though, that's the tricky part, but if she wants to be with me, then she'll do whatever it takes.
Hope for the best, expect the worst, it's the only thing I can do right now... . meanwhile, I'm living my life and meeting new people, and trying not to think of her. I'd much rather hear that she misses me, instead of how she hates me, if nothing else it helps me move on psychologically...
