He makes me want to die.

[wishfulthinking]

Title says it. I can't do anything right. Ever. He never does wrong. Ever. He says he tries to figure out what he's done to make my smile disappear and can't think of anything. He's always nice and goes out of his way to treat me right.

Know what, when he does, he's amazing, but seems all I get it b1tched at constantly anymore. He rages and calls me names. That saps my happiness more than anything and I block him out due to it. But it's not his fault at all? I'd rather due right now. If it weren't for my daughter... .

[Ishenuts]

He's got an illness. You know that right? I was in your shoes, as were probably most people here.

What keeps you with him?

[Suzn]

I'm sorry you're so upset lostinparadise    I'm very thankful for your daughter right now, what happened?

[Scarlet Phoenix]

Oh, lostinparadise, I'm so sorry to see that you feel this way. My heart goes out to you  

Depression and loss of hope are powerful states that can take us down dark roads. Has something in particular happened today that made you feel this way or is it more a general feeling lately?

[wishfulthinking]

It's a general feeling. Just constant belittling. I can't do anything right and if he does anything wrong its my fault, too. He calls me names and yells and then gets mad because I shut down.

I just feel snowballed. He was amazing till we gots tried and now it's a constant state of hate. I just feel like an idiot failure.

[wishfulthinking]

Till we got married... . stupid auto correct.

[Suzn]

This behavior of his really has nothing to do with you, when he is lashing out that is about him. Does this make sense? However, it's very difficult when we are being yelled at or called names not to take it personally, it hurts, I get it.

There has to be boundaries set for what you are willing to "take", no one can set those boundaries but you lostinparadise. What can you do to take a time out when he becomes upset? And better yet, doing this before things get out of hand, so that he can calm down before he get's carried away.

Can you go visit a friend, a family member, go for a walk, go to the grocery store, go for a ride, etc... ? This can help both of you.

You are not a failure.  

[wishfulthinking]

I realize NOW that he's sick. Wish I did before. So when he tells me he hates me and calls me names and says I'm Satan, he doesn't mean it? Hard to believe as passionate as he is about it.

[Suzn]

Oh no, he means what he says. It simply has nothing to do with you. That means he is lashing out because he can't control himself. Imagine a 3 year old getting upset with their mother for not giving them candy, they throw a fit and say mean things. At the time, that 3 year old means what he says. Ten minutes later they love mommy again even if she doesn't give in. Same thing.

Your H's thinking is distorted. First of all he is under the influence of medication, he is self medicating, he is not thinking straight. This is dangerous. For BOTH of you. Second, when you got married this triggered his fear of abandonment. He has you, he's afraid to loose you. This is amplified by the drugs.

Do you see how this has nothing to do with you? He has to be able to control himself, he is an adult. If he is putting you in harms way and you allow it, you are enabling his behavior. And he will continue to do it.

Nothing changes without changes.

[Scarlet Phoenix]

How are you doing today lostinparadise?

Suzn is saying something important here, nothing changes without change

[Vindi]

me too, just checking on seeing how you are today, from your posts yes, you do seem so sad.

How about setting some boundaries for YOU this will make you feel better.

[lostandunsure]

I totally understand what you are saying. So often my wife can be amazing and I love being with her, but when her mood changes and I can't do anything right (You can just see in in their eyes can't you? it's right there, they want to argue, and nothing you can say will stop it from happening sometimes), I just want it to all end. And, to make matters worse, I hate myself for feeling that way.

I'm glad I found this site. I'm glad that I've finally figured out that she has BPD, it's taken me 17 years to figure it out. I'm just now starting to realize that it's not all my fault. It's been both a relief and a curse, because now I wonder, "What now? What do I do now?" I'm hoping to go through some of the workshops here this weekend to start getting a handle on what to do to protect myself emotionally, so I can enjoy the good times and not take the bad times personally, as impossible as that seems right now.

It's not fair that we have to live with their illness, it's not. There's no way around it. It totally sucks. But I keep trying to remind myself that she has to live with it too.

I think we've got a long road ahead of us.

[wishfulthinking]

Well, lucky me. I have that nasty stomach bug that spreading through the nation. I never get sick like this. He's pretty much ignoring me. He just left and I'm glad he's gone. He snapped at me even before we got out of bed this morning and I just felt more hopeless.

I went to Barnes and noble last night with his son and when I walked up to ask for the SWOE book, the lady there said that it is a very helpful book. She said follow her and she was talking to me about it and how it's going... . her ex husband was BPD, but diagnosed. She said she could feel my sadness and empty soul when I walked up before I even asked for the book. It's amazing how God/the universe works.

If they are so afraid to lose us, why do they act like this and drive us away? It'll be hard to log in much this weekend as he watches me on everything I do. Ugh.

[Scarlet Phoenix]

That's pretty amazing that this woman was there at that exact time!

Feel better, lostinparadise. Take care of yourself, then when your back to form we'll talk more about what we can do to make your situation at home better.

Sending you lots of support and well wishes