this is hard to say

[celticcross]

Hi all,

Newbie here dealing with 21year old daughter with BPD. I have been reading all your stories and it has really helped me remain firm in my resolve to take care of myself. It hasn't been easy, my daughter threw herself in front of a semi truck a month ago, she survived with 2 broken arms and a broken leg. A week ago she assaulted me and my husband and I kicked her out. today is the first day she has contacted us and this is the part that is hard to say-I am kinda jealous of those who have no contact.  I know that sounds horrible but I just feel like I need more time to heal and try to learn how to cope with it all. wishing you all peace.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[ConflictedxAMillion]

I thought I was reading my own post for a minute.  I'm a newbie too.  It is hard to say... . but sometimes I feel the same way.  I know exactly how you feel.

[jellibeans]

You are not alone... . sadly there are days like that for me too. I can't imagine the pain your dd must be in to have thrown herself in front of a truck. As a mother I am sure that took a lot out of you too. At least you have put some boundaries in place to protect yourself and family. I hope your dd can find some help.

[angeldust1]

Bless your heart Celtic,

Yes,  I am one of the lucky ones' that has nc with my pwBPD.  I used to cry myself to sleep so much that   I thought I would never have another tear to shed.  For now nc is the only way.  It is better than the drama,  abuse and dealing with the  irrational behavior that I have had to endure over the years.  And... . this is hard to say... . !

I will no longer put myself through that anymore. My pwBPD is  40 and I am 60 so you can imagine how long I have been dealing with this. And most of that time, had no clue of what was wrong.   at times it has not been a pretty sight a lot of the time.  About a year and half ago he made this decision. He texted me that I was not to every call him again.  I did just that.  I didn't think I would ever get over it.  But... . I did!

I feel acceptance is the only way.  Having that said,  when you do have contact you must deal with it. 

When your child throws herself in front of a truck,  I can only imagine what that must have been like,  but I can assure you that some of us here,  although may not have the same experience... .   we have ALL gone  through some pretty rough stuff.    We can all tell horror stories,  and until you find out that there are other parents, spouses, siblings,  like yourself going through this,  you feel so alone.

Until I found this site,  and I did have therapy,  which was good and insightful,  but not like the comfort I feel here.

I have never felt such peace about it as I do now.  (You have someone in your life you love so much and all you get back is pain and hurt. )   It is an awful feeling.

Just stay with us here, you are in the right place God put you here,  here you will find answers,  information,  support,  comfort,  and most of all peace.  It is sad disorder,  but when you realize you are not alone,  you will find acceptance.

[DMerish]

Hi all,

Newbie here dealing with 21year old daughter with BPD. I have been reading all your stories and it has really helped me remain firm in my resolve to take care of myself. It hasn't been easy, my daughter threw herself in front of a semi truck a month ago, she survived with 2 broken arms and a broken leg. A week ago she assaulted me and my husband and I kicked her out. today is the first day she has contacted us and this is the part that is hard to say-I am kinda jealous of those who have no contact.  I know that sounds horrible but I just feel like I need more time to heal and try to learn how to cope with it all. wishing you all peace.

Hi CC -

I'm really sorry to hear the harm your DD tried to inflict upon herself and you, her parents. I completely empathize with your  feeling jealous about those that are NC (no contact) - My now 30 y/o DD and I were NC for nearly six years . . . I was slow to recover for the first three, began to get my life back and was quite happy, then BAM (DD's BF committed suicide). I'm now needing to reconsider how to incorporate her into my life and keep moving forward with my own.

I think you're right on the mark when you say you need time to heal and to lean how to cope with things.  Give yourself the time for self-care and consider the long range benefits of what you need to do to have the kind of life you want with or without her.

Hugs,

   

[celticcross]

I can't tell you how much it means to have all of your kind words and thoughts. Acceptance even radical acceptance is what I seek. It's just that while  I know that it's true that even when you think your heart can't take anymore, it can and it will, it still kinda pisses me off. I mean, seriously, the hospital knows G**damn well that she was suicidal and all I got from the psych social worker when I told her I was going to end up burying her and that they needed to put her in the psych ward was "well, she really can't participate in any of the activities". You know, because she had two broken arms, she might not be able to participate in ceramics or something!FML

[celticcross]

DMerish

I am so sorry, I know exactly how you feel, my dd's boyfriend committed suicide 2 years ago, the day before his 19th birthday(she had broken up with him several weeks prior). She carries it with her and I suspect she will forever, it's such a Sisyphean task to roll the boulder uphill knowing it's coming to crush you again. I can't even imagine what you are going through. Right know this place is the only ray of sanity I have, everyone involved in this website has my undying gratitude for their acceptance and support.

[angeldust1]

Hang in there Celtic

We love you,  we care about you,  we empathize with you!

One day you will be the other offering a shoulder to cry on,  but for now,  feel free to cry on ours as long as you need.  We are always here to listen and offer whatever advice or experience we have had,  and believe we've had it all.

Angeld