text that's thrown me off balance the most in all the time I've known her

[Moonie75]

I'm trying to remain NC due to me suspecting her of cheating so I left. That was few weeks ago & today I learned from neighbor who bumped into me & asked how I am, that she is indeed seeing someone. Could have been going on before I left, but equally could have started up since (quick mover if latter is right).

Anyway I got just one text from her today & i don't know if it's a projection (like so many others) or if it's a perfectly valid statement.

TEXT

":)o you know what the definition of insanity is? Repeating the same thing over & over & over, and each time expecting a different outcome!"

Got me beat this one folks!

[alliance]

The insanity quote is from Albert Einstein.

As for what it might mean and why she sent it... . that one is just not even worth trying to decode.

[Newton]

Moonie75 ... . It is a valid statement (one that is often used here)... . and it might be projection... .

It's up to you if you decide to behave this very way... .

She has shown you what she thinks of your relationship with her behaviour... . now you have the power to decide if you want to engage with this cyclical pattern anymore... .

Whats your plan?... .

[elessar]

Of course it is projection. I hated that text you wrote because my ex/current "friend" would say stuff like that. I have known her for over a dozen years, and pretty intimately for 4 out of last 8 yrs. From what she says, I have come to the conclusion that she has a NPD father and a possible BPD mother, which combined with her sexual abuse as a child has led to her BPD (undiagnosed of course... . she is quite high functioning/charming/seductive/attractive).

For 2 yrs she has been "breaking up" with me because her daddy wouldn't approve of me. And she is enmeshed with her family to such an extent that she cannot even go out if they do not allow. They (her dad) have a complete veto over her life.

Coming back to what you said, she says stuff like that where she projects. For example "to move forward one has to learn to let go". She says that about us, but to me that applies to her relationship with her parents! They constantly threaten to abandon her/kill her and every time she goes crying back to them (she still lives at home at 29 because if she leaves, they will abandon her. the only way she can leave home is when she gets married). So she sends texts and messages like that about moving on, learning from past, not repeating same things, letting go etc etc for our relationship. And it pisses me off because what she tells me is the exact thing she should be doing with her parents.

Sorry for my rant, but reading the projection of your significant other brought out this anger within me that I have to deal with nearly every week.

[Perfidy]

Still playing the game. That's what it is. Block her number from texting you. Let her know you don't want to play anymore. Take the high road. Be better than her.

[Undone123]

PROJECTION!

[Gaslit]

Projection with a healthy dose of BLAME.

We all know that she is the pattern, the swinging back and forth between clinging and distancing behaviors. With you repeating your efforts to "fix" her, to make everything better. Repeat.

And she frustratingly made the pattern, the repeating, all your fault! When it is driven by the disorder, her disorder.

It does however require your participation. No participation, no repeating, no patten, NO INSANITY!

[clover528]

Projection with a healthy dose of BLAME.

We all know that she is the pattern, the swinging back and forth between clinging and distancing behaviors. With you repeating your efforts to "fix" her, to make everything better. Repeat.

And she frustratingly made the pattern, the repeating, all your fault! When it is driven by the disorder, her disorder.

It does however require your participation. No participation, no repeating, no patten, NO INSANITY!

Agreed! And I know this pattern all too well! It will never stop. and it is exactly like gaslit described. I always said, lather rinse and repeat. NC will help you. It is very hard in the beginning. and you will lose your mind some days missing the adrenaline of the fight. NOT THEM. It is chemical. It is addictive. Be strong and kind to yourself. LOVE yourself through it. We are here to help you snap back and get back to you. I am struggling still but this site is the place to be. Listen and follow the advice. Know there are better days!