Will I ever "get it" and really get over "him"?

[gallerykey]

I have been trying to read and learn from here about him and how to cope etc but I still find myself so confused. I KNOW he is mentally ill but still find it hard to grasp the BELIEF if that makes sense.

I know he was on a dating website before we broke up and had met another woman while we were still together in that last week of our relationship. (Possibly more that i dont know of) In his mind he knew it was time to move on and I kinda get that, if i hadnt of pushed about his constant lies during those last 2 weeks would he of stayed? who knows so i try not to dwell on that. I know what i did was wrong but as finding it hard to let go even though i know it would never work and how bad he is for me and my health, but i messaged the new girlfriend. I was waiting for him to find out and explode. It took her several days to read the message but then she rang me. I told her very nicely all about him, the lies and deception, the disorder and what hes like what it means etc, i told her to look on this forum to see for herslef what it will be like for her. She said she had noticed a few things already in the 4 days they had been together but had fallen for him (course she had that was me over 2 years ago) She obv told him about my message but he didnt go too mad, just 2 nasty messages which i didnt respond to. This gf said she had noticed he was texting a girl called Amy who he said was an old friend (lie) I told her i never knew him to have any friends let alone an Amy and it was probably another girl from the dating website. She tells me they have now broken up (not sure i believe her) Again i know its wrong but i keep checking him on whats app messaging and see hes online nearly all day (the gf doesnt have whats app so hes not talking to her) One of his last status said "unbreakable, no one can spoil this" i presumed he was with the gf still but she declares they are over, so now im thinking its this Amy. What im getting at is he moved on quick from me, moved on quick from the next gf and is obv with someone new. We all had the same words from him of how hes never felt this way before, makes him feel so young again etc... . does he really believe that each time or is there at any point in his mind he knows its a lie but just does it so hes not alone? I know he cant be alone i have seen this from his relationship track record. I know i should just block him but cant do it, although i am NC. I read on here they often try to make contact with the ex so who would get the contact the gf he was with or me as we were together for 2+ years rather than 4 days? I know ur all going to say stop doing it! But i just cant make that break, although i have stopped crying most of the time, just little things trigger it like today would of been 27 months together.

[Validation78]

Hi imj72!

It's terrible to have to go through this, we all know. Please know that you have support here, and are not alone.

You will survive, you will make it through, and you will gain an important lesson after it's over.

You know the answers already, you just have to be ready to do what it takes to get past this moment, and to decide that you have to be the one to employ the discipline to heal and move on with your life. It will not be easy, and you can do it, when the time is right.

In the meantime, take care of yourself. Make healing your number one priority, and when you do, you'll be able to take the advice of fellow survivors here, and open a new door to happiness!

Best Wishes,

Val78

[Learning_curve74]

imj72, it's hard when your heart is trying to catch up with what your head already knows. 

If you've choosen to detach from your ex, then who he is seeing and what he is doing is no longer any of your business, right? If so, then the logical thing to do would be to block/remove your ex from whatsapp, facebook, etc. Isn't the only reason not to do this is because you want to spy on your ex? You are giving him ammunition to paint you as a "crazy stalker" to his future girlfriends.

Maybe you can give yourself some time and space away from your thoughts and feelings? Do you have good friends that you can spend time with that will keep you busy? Maybe take some time to spend on hobbies and interests that you haven't had time for recently? Maybe undertake a new project?