Anyone consulted with an expert on BPD?

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Was it helpful?

I know that Bill Eddy's institute does phone consultations.  I am curious about several things, like whether a psych eval would be helpful or useless in my case.  So I was thinking of talking to someone who's an expert in both the law and BPD.  Anyone found anyone useful?

[momtara]

Was it helpful?

I know that Bill Eddy's institute does phone consultations.  I am curious about several things, like whether a psych eval would be helpful or useless in my case.  So I was thinking of talking to someone who's an expert in both the law and BPD.  Anyone found anyone useful?

[scraps66]

Not sure how helpful a psych eval could be all by itself.  Any significant change in custody usually requires a full custody evaluation.  I'm speaking from my experience in my corrupt/incompetent courthouse.  As far as how useful, pretty much up to the lawyer on how it could be used.  Mine was useless as my exuBPD/NPDw found a Dr. that was completely unqulaified to administer the MMPI-2 and the results.  The reason for this is that the Order written by the court did not stipulate which Dr. to use.  So my ex just found some lacky Dr. she paid to administer the test and she didn't even do the same tests that I had done on myself.

So you rquestion is one I still wrestle with, is it worth me going back to court and paying fro my ex's psych eval?  Yes, the court will likley make ME pay for her pscyh eval because she actually did what the written Order said she was supposed to do.  Never mind the fact that it took me three trips back to court to get her there, she did what she was supposed to do - by the Order at least.  So IF I WANT IT DONE CORRECTLY, I have to pay.

Side tracked, is it worth it?  My answer right now is... . yes.  I have imagined my ex fabricating some situation where she falsifies omething damaging to me, child abuse, physical abuse of her, etc.  It would be handy to be able to pull this psych eval report out and say, "this shows Ms. Scraps x has serious mental issues," something to this effect.  Rather than the reprot I have now that states "she's a good mother."  By the way, the MMPI-2 is not administered to determine whetehr someone is a good parent or not.  Somewhat like insurance a proper psych eval.

You can do a search on psychological evalaution, or MMPI-2 and find tons of info on here.     

[momtara]

I got most of the custody - just wondering if an eval would tell me if he may harm the kids some day.  That way, I can use it if he ever comes to court to increase his custody.

But it may be pointless.  I don't think he'd get only supervised visitation, and that means he would be alone with them anyway, sooner or later.

[rogerroger]

A psych eval might be helpful, but maybe only if it is court-ordered. In my case it was more helpful than I had expected.

I have doubts about how useful it would be for you to talk to someone who doesn't have direct contact with the person. Furthermore, as described in the book Splitting, diagnoses are not all that important. What matters is evidence of troubling behavior, especially if there is enough to indicate a long-standing pattern.

[momtara]

How did it help you?

[scraps66]

I can offer this, may not be helpful in your case.  At the time I had my own done, I knew there was programming and alienation going on, to the point I was becoming less and less able to connect with my S8.  I had documented all of this behavior as well.  My psych eval came back showing this, that I did not feel good about my relationship with S8.  So at some point this could substantiate my own documentation of what was going on.  I have since not been able to make corrections and the alienation continues with my ex enlisting the help of her now boyfriend who the kids see as a hero. 

My psych eval cost $1900. 

[momtara]

Did she have to agree to it, or did you order it?

[papawapa]

When I filed for custody (I was awarded temporary full physical and legal custody) I asked for her to take a drug assessment and a psych eval including objective testing. I have to pay for all of it myself and I also had to take them too. We both had to see the same person for the drug assessment and the same Dr for the psych evals and sign releases to act as collaterals for each other. I go for my psych eval tomorrow, hers is scheduled for later this month. Total cost for all four was about $2500.

My hope is that she will be diagnosed properly and be court ordered to treatment and proper therapy. I want my kids to have their mother in their lives, but she is going to have to get herself together and follow through to earn parenting time.

[livednlearned]

I got most of the custody - just wondering if an eval would tell me if he may harm the kids some day.  That way, I can use it if he ever comes to court to increase his custody.

But it may be pointless.  I don't think he'd get only supervised visitation, and that means he would be alone with them anyway, sooner or later.

momtara,

Where are you in your custody situation? I've only seen two scenarios on these boards for psych evals. One is where both parents get psych evals as part of a custody evaluation. The other is like mine, where the pwBPD did something seriously scary and had to undergo a psych eval to help the court (in my case a PC) figure out what caused the scary behavior.

[rogerroger]

How did it help you?

In my case we both had court ordered psych evals and custody evals. Mine both came back as indicating no concerns. For her, the big win was with the custody eval. According to the report, the kids appeared to be uncomfortable with her and she took both of them into the bathroom with her, after which they both volunteered that they wanted to spend more time with Mommy. The evaluator concluded, appropriately, that she had been coaching them on what to say. Apparently, also, she tried to demonstrate/prove how she teaches them or promotes their cognitive development by constantly correcting them on matters of no consequence.

I had been very worried that she would be able to come across as completely normal, but apparently her anxieties so overpowered her that she couldn't help but try to manipulate things in ways that turned out to be pretty transparent.

I wish I could say more about the psych eval part, but the details were kept private and only summary conclusions/recommendations were released to the court. There was enough there that she was ordered to get counseling and to take parenting classes, though.

Notice that what mattered here was the observation of troubling behaviors. As it says in the Splitting book, courts often don't care whether or not there is a psychological diagnosis unless there is evidence that it matters to behavior. In fact, unless it can be reasonably shown to negatively affect parenting ability, it may be illegal to use mental illness as a reason to curtail parental rights.

[Forestaken]

a BPD dx could be a double edge sword: Advantage in terms of custody, disadvantage in terms of ex-spouse's employment.

[ForeverDad]

I did try to consult with a PA (Parental Alienation) expert in Florida, but never actually did.  No one in my county was interested in any diagnosis.  I do recall that when we first showed up in family court - my then-spouse was facing a threats of DV case and so filed her own case against me in family court - we both were ordered to take Psych Evals and share the results with the lawyers.  I did.  I never found out whether my then-spouse ever did.  No. One. Cared.

During the divorce we had a Custody Evaluation and the CE specifically said he would not diagnose either of us, it was just to determine a recommendation on custody.  The report noted that "mother can't share 'her' child but father can."  That meant a lot.  No diagnosis as I was told but the CE reported the perceptions and behaviors he observed.