Trading Dolls: A BPD Fable

[SweetCharlotte]

My uBPDh likes to ramble about his childhood and young adulthood. He often returns to the subject of his mother. According to the H, she was abusive both physically and emotionally, and left him totally negated as a person.

She would tell him proudly of how she had swindled another little girl when she was a child. The other girl had a beautiful new dolly, and her own doll was beat-up, old, and ugly. Yet she convinced the neighbor girl that her doll was actually more special and more valuable than the pretty one just received as a gift. She managed to get the girl to agree to swap dolls. She was full of glee, even years later, looking back on her triumph.

Lately, when my H retells this story it sounds to me like a fable of a relationship involving a pwBPD. To get me to fall in love, he convinced me that his love was strong, constant, and lasting. I gave him my love in return for his, thinking it was a fair trade. And now I see what I got in return is an ugly, messed-up and falling-apart rag doll.

[SweetCharlotte]

I did forget one part of the story. Unlike the little girl who was swindled out of her nice doll in return for my mother-in-law's ratty doll, I can take my love BACK. It won't be any the worse for wear.

[Surnia]

Would be interesting to speak with the other girl how this could happened and how she was coping with it... .  

Perhaps she was Clinging to words, she believed that she would be more happy with the other doll... . and perhaps she overheard a inner voice that told her: Don't do it?

[SweetCharlotte]

... . and perhaps she overheard a inner voice that told her: Don't do it?

Yes, thank you for pointing that out, Surnia. I think she did hear that inner voice warning her but she found it easy to ignore. She had a history of making bad trades. Maybe she didn't know any other way to make friends.

[Surnia]

Maybe she didn't know any other way to make friends.

Yes, this is possible. And perhaps she felt often lonely?

Can you make friend with her?