Antidepressants helping?

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

She started an antidepressant last week.  This was after two weeks of her having issues getting her health insurance information, then getting in to see a physician, then complaining about how much it is going to cost her to see a psychiatrist, then complaining of how much the prescription costs.  I took her out and paid for the prescription, about 50 bucks. 

Almost immediately she began complaining the medication was making her not sleep well and making her nauseous.  I wouldn't imagine any side effects would show up that soon.  She wasn't sleeping well before the pills, and was having digestive issues as well.  It's just stress. 

I have noticed a few positive changes, though, whether due to the meds or just the cycle of the BPD.  I've noticed a few things that would normally set her off haven't set her off.  For instance, I had been drinking a beer outside, and forgot the empty can on the lawn when she asked me to come inside to bed.  The next morning, she saw the can, but didn't freak out about it, as she would have a month ago.  Yesterday, she had a pretty bad day at work, and last night she was huffing and puffing around the house, cussing and swearing.  At one point she said "I hope I die in my sleep." I avoided her as to not try and fix whatever issue she was having and enable her.   At one point I asked if there was anything I could to help, and she said "no".  Later in bed, she made a comment about how she hated that I ignored her, and I replied I was not ignoring her and that if she needed help she needs to ask me.  A few weeks ago, that would have started a rage. Last night, she took a deep breath, and hugged me.  And she said "I really don't hope I die in my sleep, that would really hurt you."   Considering where we have been the past few months, that last comment was a MAJOR breakthrough. 

I'm feeling a teeny bit hopeful.  I still don't know where I want this relationship to go anymore, and I still fear the next rage, but I at least a little emotional foundation right now.

[maxsterling]

She started an antidepressant last week.  This was after two weeks of her having issues getting her health insurance information, then getting in to see a physician, then complaining about how much it is going to cost her to see a psychiatrist, then complaining of how much the prescription costs.  I took her out and paid for the prescription, about 50 bucks. 

Almost immediately she began complaining the medication was making her not sleep well and making her nauseous.  I wouldn't imagine any side effects would show up that soon.  She wasn't sleeping well before the pills, and was having digestive issues as well.  It's just stress. 

I have noticed a few positive changes, though, whether due to the meds or just the cycle of the BPD.  I've noticed a few things that would normally set her off haven't set her off.  For instance, I had been drinking a beer outside, and forgot the empty can on the lawn when she asked me to come inside to bed.  The next morning, she saw the can, but didn't freak out about it, as she would have a month ago.  Yesterday, she had a pretty bad day at work, and last night she was huffing and puffing around the house, cussing and swearing.  At one point she said "I hope I die in my sleep." I avoided her as to not try and fix whatever issue she was having and enable her.   At one point I asked if there was anything I could to help, and she said "no".  Later in bed, she made a comment about how she hated that I ignored her, and I replied I was not ignoring her and that if she needed help she needs to ask me.  A few weeks ago, that would have started a rage. Last night, she took a deep breath, and hugged me.  And she said "I really don't hope I die in my sleep, that would really hurt you."   Considering where we have been the past few months, that last comment was a MAJOR breakthrough. 

I'm feeling a teeny bit hopeful.  I still don't know where I want this relationship to go anymore, and I still fear the next rage, but I at least a little emotional foundation right now.

[Surnia]

Maxsterling

Good to hear some little improvement.

Perhaps she is or was a bit stressed due to the fact that she needs antidepressant.

Are you familiar with validation? It does not work well in raging times. Now, when she is calmer, perhaps you can give it a try?

Communication using validation. What it is; how to do it.

[Theo41]

Be hopeful. My uBPWw started taking Paxil in 1995. She became normal- the girl that I married.  That lasted as long as she would take the drug. For various reasons lots of people don't like to take them (sex drive can diminish, weight can increase, etc.) My wife had several problems with it especially the perception that it caused her to gain weight. After trying Wellbutrin and Effexor, she gave up and completely discontinued the drugs when she had bypass surgery. That was 2008. The last five years have been hell. She now is becoming alcoholic.( A lot of bypass patients end up substituting alcohol.)

So that's my experience. I hope you get the kind of remission my wife experienced, and hopefully without the side effects that might cause her to stop taking the meds. THEO

[maxsterling]

Surnia - yes the validation helps.  It actually helps a ton, and when she is frustrated at someone she often says "XYZ person really hurt me with what he/she said because he/she didn't even validate my feelings at all."

The most recent example, she brought up some valid work issues to her supervisor, who responded in a way most supervisors would respond - "these are required tasks - if this job is affecting your health, maybe you should consider another job - have you considered this or that to help you manage the stress better."  Of course, she interpreted that as he telling her she should quit, to which she became defensive and angry.  Her supervisor would probably have better luck if he started off saying, "I hear your concern - I know we are asking much of you right now - we are all busy - is there anything we can do right now to alleviate even a little of the stress?"  I don't expect her to last long at this job, or the next one, or the one after that.

She hasn't taken it out on me lately.  I'm trying to validate her feelings when she comes home stressed.  But it's probably only a matter of time before I am the target again.

[dotSlash]

This is nice to hear. I'm glad things are working out as of late for you max, and I hope things don't recycle. You're a good and wise guy to be putting up with so much for her, though people have said the same about me and I just think I'm foolish .

How do you validate her without triggering a BPD-related episode? There are times when I can tell the storm is coming, and have no way to brace myself for it, and also times when it just happens on a dime. If I walk away from the situation, she gets even angrier about me ignoring her.

Also, if she does a period of nc, what do you say to her upon returning? In my case some horrible things were said before this current period of nc, and I am not sure if I want to bring them up when she opens herself up to me again. Do you think it's healthier for her to just pretend like it never happened, or address the situation and discuss what was wrong with it?