Progress? Is this good? Is it bad? What is it?

[Cipher13]

I would categorize this weekend as "hell" but there seemed to be glimpses of prgress. I don't know if its good or bad or just different "crap"?

Friday on my way home wife sends a text. "Had a dream about you going to your co-works property to look it over for hunting this fall. You left me. You are not going."  I said wait I  don't plan on staying the night its only 20 mins away from the house. I just wanted to be able to go soem place after work.  She said absolutly not. We had this conversation. You agreed it would take tiem for me to get me to trust you to do that. I said I remeber and I was refering to a weekend and over night. Not a after work couple hours. I was branded a liar and the weekend started... .

I thought we had it undercontrol by Sunday morning. I woke up with bad allergies and a huge headache. We went to ride bikes before it got too hot. In the car she said I was a little moody. I said I thought I was ok as I didn't feel up to things but kept a good attitude (so I thougtht) She says to me being happy is always nicers than being mad so just try to change your mindset because its easier to just be happy and its more fun. I said ok its not alwsy the easiest thing to do but I will try to remeber that from now on... . We stop in mid ride to use restroom. I lady askes about how far the trail goes. I replied 5 miles or so.  We then left and W says "i know i shouldn't be mad but I am"  Then she pedals like there is no tomorrow and doesn't say a word until i bring it up int he car. I asked what e probelm was. She said sure  you are all mad this morning with me then when a lady asks you a question you are nice as pie to her and treat em like crap. I know i didn't becasue I was aware that she might say i was becasue I had a headache.

The progress comes last night we actually were able to talk calmly about theproblems and what is maybe behind the. Still thinks its 110% me but we talked with yelling. But she admits she can't or won't get past that if she can't see me every second I can not be trusted.

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[briefcase]

Overall, that sounds like progress to me.  "Progress" can be slow and non-linear, so you can expect some ups and downs for a while yet. 

As far as her trust issues, hunting etc.  You can be sensitive to her fears without just giving up activities in your life.  Keep talking to her about it, and maybe prepare ahead of time with statements you want to say in SET or DEARMAN format.

[shamrock]

Sounds to me that the problem of the weekend started is (not to assign blame, or to change, as it is what it is, but knowing is important)  I think, that she started thinking about your trip to hunt area, then "got on the train".

Once BPD's get on the train their thoughts take a mind of their own going faster & faster untill the train is out of control usually ending up crashing head long into a non-BPD.

Solution! As she improves she will be better at mindfullness and know when she is getting on the train, & be able to jump off