He got in my face and screamed IN MY FACE that I am disgusting (ie dirty / keep a dirty house). Which stems from me refusing to clean up after him when I worked two jobs and he was unemployed. He refuses to do any housework anymore.
The bolded part is meaningful, obviously because, well, he keeps a dirty house - because as the "non worker" home-care should be his domain.
This sort of scenario used to leave me scratching my head until I read about "male privilege". Essentially, male privilege allows some males to assume that because they are males, that they don't have to do home chores (or not a fair amount), or child care (or not a fair amount). Obviously, there are some males who post on this forum who have BPD partners and they're having to do a LOT, but it seems that males with BPD can take the "male privilege" idea to the extreme - such as when they're not working (or hardly working) yet they expec their full time employed wife to still be responsible for most or all of home maintenance.
What would happen if you said something like: We both live in this home. We both have to contribute to this home. I contribute by working full time and doing some home chores. Therefore I'm putting in about 60 hours a week for this household. Since you're not working, your contribution needs to be something similar. You either need to work and do some housework, or you need to put in a full week's worth of hours around the house.
