Moving on...

[thinkingthinking]

dBPDh signed divorce papers today, will be finalized tomorrow.  The last several years have been the same crazy many of you know. In the last 8 months, I've sold our home, moved, moved our son into college, and now will finally be divorced after 22 years of marriage.  It has been sad, scary, exciting, infuriating; bottom line: bittersweet.  I'm not even sure I can say that I wish the marriage would have worked out, because after so many years of trying it became obvious that I could not fix anything or anyone, except ME.  If only I would have had the wisdom at 19 that I do now 

dBPDh has of course been dysregulated during each step of the way and is now not going to therapy, not taking medications, not helping himself.  And I am learning to let that be his issue.

I think I'm truly ready to move on.

[paxfamilia]

Very happy for you!  I wish I was at the end of our legal tunnel, jealous.  How is your grown child doing after all this, I'm sure they were emotionally abused as well?  I cannot even imagine what I would do with all the free time of not having to litigate, be a record keeper, be pulled into fights and chaos about every little thing in the parenting plan or to do with the kids.  I hope the free time you will find will be healing and wonderful for you.  I hope you come to the acceptance of what it all was, make peace with it, realize you did the very best with horrible circumstances, and move on somehow.

[momtara]

Congrats, but I know it is hard.  you are strong.  Try to just be glad you are a loving person and gave him so much love.  I am sure you did your best, and it's good you are free.

[DreamGirl]

I tend not to say "Congratulations" to anyone going thru the a divorce - doesn't feel quite right.

I do say "Cheers" though - to your new life and to your strength in moving on.



~DG

[thinkingthinking]

It is amazing how many friends have asked if I want to go "celebrate" after the papers are signed. While I am so thankful for upcoming opportunities to heal and grow outside of this very dysfunctional situation, divorce doesn't really feel like a time to celebrate.  I am looking forward to finding a little peace in my life!

Paxfamilia- we have two older children (18 and 22) and a 12 year old.  They have all suffered from dealing with the unpredictable moods and actions of their dad.  During one of the times that he was in treatment, I had them all go to a very good counselor for awhile.  She did a great job of explaining BPD, which at least gave them a frame of reference.  However, it hasn't changed the fact that they can't count on their dad for any kind of stability. I think my older two just accept what he can and can't provide, but have to really keep an eye on my 12 year old's time with him so she doesn't try to take responsibility for his moods.  I will be sending good thoughts your way... . it is not a fun thing to go through!