what's "high-risk"?

[yeager1003]

Quick question. My uBPw exhibits most of the symptoms except she does not self-mutilate and in 18 years she's never attempted suicide (if she tried before I met her, she's never admitted it and no one in the family as told me about it). Just last night, during a rage, she made multiple references to slitting her throat. She doesn't drink or do drugs and if anything she drives too slow, not too fast. She is not (to my knowledge) seeing anyone outside the marriage.

I've been scratching my head about the high-risk behavior aspect, in that I can't think of a single thing she even periodically does that would qualify She is on several meds to control diabetes and a congenital heart condition, and many, many times she will say, "I can't remember if I took my pills today." Is this unconscious risk-taking? Testing me? ("If you loved me, you'd make sure I took my pills."

What are some other behaviors that could be considered high-risk? If she doesn't do them, does that mean she may have an overlapping disorder? Any help would be appreciated.

[dotSlash]

I don't know about you, but my UBPD gf has trouble remembering things all the time. She is just heavily absent minded and easily distracted (she mentioned to me before that she may have A.D.D but doesn't know). She tends to dissociate at random times and have that glazed over look as well. Of course there is no cookie-cutout for pwBPD and they're all different, so consider yourself lucky if you've yet to experience any heavy risk behavior

[maxsterling]

Is this a requirement for a BPD diagnosis?  Risky behavior can be a broad term.  My GF had abused nearly every kind of drug imaginable, engaged in risky sexual relationships, spends money she doesn't have, travels often with money she doesn't have, runs away or quits jobs instead of facing issues, has self harmed through cutting, and attempted suicide. 

That's probably the extreme.  But I would think "risky behavior" is any behavior that one does against what should be better judgment and puts one's life or well being at risk.  Other than what I mentioned, I suppose this could include gambling, any kind of addiction (including food), risky investments, quitting jobs, etc.

[an0ught]

Hi yeager,

as Schwing indicated in another thread, there is a lot of behavior pointing to her experiencing strong anxiety. Super careful driving and being obsessed about forgetting her pills is part and parcel of this.

Threatening to abandon you (by slitting her throat) is not high risk behavior. It may be however an indication of suicidal ideation or increasing suicidal ideation. As she has never before escalated to this level it is certainly worrying.  If this continues it may be a good idea to reach out and get some professional advice for yourself how to handle that.

From a practical communication angle may be worth focusing on validation of her anxiety, listening to her carefully and taking her fears seriously in the sense acknowledging  that she truly experiences them. The staying board is a good place to ask for concrete advice on validation for a particular situation.

Hang in there  ,

a0

[dagwood]

Quick question. My uBPw exhibits most of the symptoms except she does not self-mutilate and in 18 years she's never attempted suicide (if she tried before I met her, she's never admitted it and no one in the family as told me about it). Just last night, during a rage, she made multiple references to slitting her throat. She doesn't drink or do drugs and if anything she drives too slow, not too fast. She is not (to my knowledge) seeing anyone outside the marriage.

I've been scratching my head about the high-risk behavior aspect, in that I can't think of a single thing she even periodically does that would qualify She is on several meds to control diabetes and a congenital heart condition, and many, many times she will say, "I can't remember if I took my pills today." Is this unconscious risk-taking? Testing me? ("If you loved me, you'd make sure I took my pills."

What are some other behaviors that could be considered high-risk? If she doesn't do them, does that mean she may have an overlapping disorder? Any help would be appreciated.

I don't think there is a cookie cutter description for all people with BPD.  I think there are extremes, individuals with just about every BPD criteria from DSM to ones who are very functional and only display BPD symptoms to the ones they are closest to. My father had a very high-level career with the Federal Government, functioning very well with co-workers and friends... . but with my mother and me, the "venom" came out.