Meeting with Child Study Team

[raytamtay3]

We had out meeting with the CST this past Tuesday and my daughter came along. Her goal is to have homebound instruction because she doesn't like her school. I appeased her by saying I would do what I could to make that happen.

History: Suspended over 6 times last year for problems with her peers and insubordination with teachers and staff. Had to leave work many times to pick her up from school to take her home as a result. Job on the line.

So her caseworker came to the meeting too. There were about 7 people in this meeting. When they mentioned putting DD in a smaller class in the school, she came right out and said no, then I will not be coming to school. I will quit. I said neither was an option. They explained to her that they have 90 days from the date of the meeting to set up evaluations, etc. with her but that that meant during that time, she'd have to come to school. She said no. They explained how I could go to jail if she is truant. To think of me and her little brother who I need to get to school on time as well.

Managed to talk her in to going while they conduct evaluation. She said she will give it two weeks.  Not looking forward to this battle.  What I see happening is 1. her getting suspended during this time. 2. her refusing to go to school and being truant and resulting in my getting fined, etc.

I showed them all of the hospitalization paperwork. All of her diagnoses. Yet they have this process that they have to go through. I understand that. But they need to understand that my hands are tied. No matter how many threats, bribing, etc I do with daughter, she is going to do what she wants. And I'm going to be the one to pay for it!

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[jellibeans]

raytamtay3

if she goes to a group home with they then be responsible for her education? I see that as a good move so you will not be legally responsible for get her to school.

Have you thought of homeschooling for her? online school? Is she finding the stress of school too great? Maybe she has a bad reputation there and is a victim of bullying etc... .

Have your looked at a theraputic boarding school?

[raytamtay3]

Yes the group home would be responsible for educatrion.  I have to work, so home school is out of the question. We live in NJ and they just veto'd cyber school. I cannot afford to send her to a boarding school.

[raytamtay3]

raytamtay3

if she goes to a group home with they then be responsible for her education? I see that as a good move so you will not be legally responsible for get her to school.

Have you thought of homeschooling for her? online school? Is she finding the stress of school too great? Maybe she has a bad reputation there and is a victim of bullying etc... .

Have your looked at a theraputic boarding school?

Oh and my daughter does not get bullied because she is a tough cookie, so nobody dare mess with her.  Picture this beautiful cheerleading looking blonde hair blue eyed girl with an attitude and you got my daughter. God help me.

[raytamtay3]

Oh and who is only 14 and looks 18+.

[jellibeans]

that actually sounds like my daughter you are describing... . she is so pretty but doesn't really see it or puts too much importance on it.

[qcarolr]

raytamtay3

So many threats - to both you and your DD. This really does nothing good for either of you, does it.

My BPDDD27 has a tough shell also -- she externalizes her overwhelming pain with expertise most of the time. And my guess is she rarely broke down in school. If she feared this, she left the building. Luckily for me, I was never threatened for her truancy (often did not even know about it from the school). Maybe bacause she had been evaluated and had IEP from 1st grade onward. I would not have been able to do homeschooling either -- I was just too frustrated and angry to manage it. And I had to work as well.

I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers that the evaluation can get done quickly. Perhaps once that is in place, there will be more support available for you.

qcr  

One other thought. A time that worked well for my D and I during high school. I took her to lunch once a week. She had  a day when she was done with classes early. We went to her favorite chinese restaurant. And for whatever reason I was able to sit and just listen to her - find humor in some stories she shared, feel her pain in others. Not make any judgements. I did not know the 'officail' word for this then - VALIDATION.  Is there a time, even for 5 minutes, that you could connect with your D in a way such as this?

Have you read "Parenting a Child with Intense Emotions... . " Here is a review:  https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=200554.0   This was very helpful with me and my gd8 and my r/s with my BPDDD27. Wish I had that book when DD was young. High school is just plain scary for our kids.

[Verbena]

raytamtay3,

I sympathize with you.  I retired from teaching a year ago (after 29 years), and the number of children with emotional/behavioral problems was dramatically higher in my last years.  It was scary and sad.    My DD is 28 now, but all through her school career I received a number of calls about her behavior and had more than a couple meetings with school officials.  Attendance was a huge problem her senior year. 

I suspect there's a lot more to it than her not liking this particular school.  If you said how old your dd is, I didn't catch it.  Regardless of her age, if she's a minor and living in your home, she shouldn't be able to call the shots on this.  (Not that I didn't bend over backward to try to accomodate my daughter and keep the peace, mind you!)  If you can't homeschool her and she can't do on-line school and she won't go, then what are the options other than you ending up in front of a judge and paying fines? 

I agree that she will most likely do something to get suspended just to prove her point.  Do you think it's possible that she wants to be sent away somewhere to a program where she would be forced to go to school? 

[Verbena]

Sorry, I missed the post about her age.  Oh yes!  I know about 14-year olds!  That was the age I taught for most of my career.  I actually loved 7th and 8th graders, but they could be challenging.