Taking his "ex" out tomorrow night/said I'm overreacting

[peas]

p.s. I seem to never let go and I never give up. Pretty dangerous way to be.

I'm in the same club. This is what I'm working on.

[eeyore]

p.s. I seem to never let go and I never give up. Pretty dangerous way to be.

Just curious but what's your ethnic background? 

[Siamese Rescue]

p.s. I seem to never let go and I never give up. Pretty dangerous way to be.

Just curious but what's your ethnic background? 

I'm a mutt, mix.  Scots Irish, German, Italian, Russian, Czech... .why?

[eeyore]

because you seem like me and I was thinking maybe it was cultural/ethnic.  But I'm none of those backgrounds.

[Siamese Rescue]

I'd like to elaborate on my "I never let go and I never give up" comment.  What I mean by that is that I will tolerate a lot, A LOT before I will consider leaving.  I was involved in a long term relationship with an alcoholic and stayed forever.

I have a soft heart for animals and rescue from time to time. I cry real tears when the dog or cat that I rescued has spent a few nights in my house during the gap between the rescue and until the vet could spay or neuter and then deliver him or her to her new owner or family. (No, I don't have hoarding issues or anything of the sort) I just have, during my lifetime, taken in some strays, and also placed some strays after I've paid for the veterinary expenses in exchange for a good solid, caring family or individual who adopted. The point I'm making is that I've realized, just tonight, thinking about my own personality, that even when I'm handing over a cat or dog that I've rescued and secured initial veterinary care for, to a wonderful family or amazing individual (as I've done more than a few times) I always shed tears and the attachment is always there for me.  Folks will send me updates and pictures and it's a nice outcome.  However that initial handing over of the little soul who I've cared for for two or three nights, (I'm already its "mother" stirs much emotion for me. I tend to try to save the world.

The issue with this man is that I constantly seem to be proving my love and dedication to him, while he doesn't reciprocate as consistently and at times engages in behavior that suggests the opposite! (and it's usually during milestone times like holidays and birthdays)   He is obviously seriously flawed. I guess I want to prove to him and the world that I'm not someone who dumps people, thus hurting them because they're not perfect.  It's a strange phenomenon that my friends and family don't understand. They have said, along with most of the community, "What on Earth is SHE doing with HIM?" "I don't see HER with someone like HIM!" My cousin has said, "You two are from different populations and this is karma returning you to the people you should be with. You like ethical people who can be edgy and fun, but he's from the underbelly and although his acquaintances span the whole realm, he's associated more with the lower end and people who are not good or decent."

My closest friend said about my ex, "You found a stray dog in the park and you thought if you brought it home and loved it enough and gave it the best food, it would behave like a normal dog, but it bites you constantly because it's mental and possibly rabid!"

I have spent so many good times with him and there were stretches when I was certain we would make it over the hump. Then, guaranteed, he would morph into someone I barely recognized.  His ex controlled his business, his finances and has her name on his real estate. She's ten years older. She's the consummate manipulator. She and her husband were involved in a multi million dollar fraud scheme for which her husband served time in prison.  She's magnetic. My ex is very impressionable and he sees her as a source of financial survival. She always promises him the next big thing is just around the corner. He sees her as security.  He sees me as... .he used to see me as the woman he was supposed to be with, but the person I spent the last month with behaved that way only part of the time.

I really love this board because the moderators and members to pose questions to us that prompt some reflections about ourselves.  I realized tonight, I don't turn my back on anyone or anything.  I definitely won't turn my back or ditch someone who others perceive to be from a lower class.  I've spent so much of my life trying to prove I wasn't a snob then fell in love with a complicated guy who has been so unpredictable.

Thanks for letting me get all of this off my chest.  I learned a lot. I owe you guys one!

[eeyore]

so now that you know what you know.  You know it's ok to choose to be with a healthy person and not the helpless stray, right?

[patientandclear]

p.s. I seem to never let go and I never give up. Pretty dangerous way to be.

I'm in the same club. This is what I'm working on.

Me, too, except I do give up now, I just can't forgive myself for it, and frankly, that's not a lot better.

Keep thinking this through, SR ... .you're doing great.  I think the timing of your trip is fantastic.

[peas]

I guess I want to prove to him and the world that I'm not someone who dumps people, thus hurting them because they're not perfect.  It's a strange phenomenon that my friends and family don't understand. They have said, along with most of the community, "What on Earth is SHE doing with HIM?"

Oh man is that my story too. What is it about our tenacity that we hold on too long to the wrong things?

After the BPDbf's first alcoholic raging incident, in which he destroyed my property, all my friends and family said leave him immediately, he's not the man for you and this will only get worse. And my reply to them was: You don't know him, he's sick, he's human, and I will not ditch him because that's just mean and I care about him.

So I stuck by him through that and subsequent rages and recycles until he finally pushed me away. And yes, if he had not pushed me away, I would still be on a mission to keep the r/s going. I usually mean business with these things.

This is a pattern with me and my exes: staying too long. My last serious boyfriend before the BPD guy, I was with him for four years and frankly he should have only been a fling or a friend. He was not the right man for me (he wasn't dysfunctional like the BPD guy, but he still was not a good match). But once I got attached, I held on because I'm stubborn.

All my long-term r/s's are like that. I got bad attachment and abandonment issues. And I keep investing my time and emotion into the wrong men.