Paperwork in the Toilet...

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Yes you read that correctly... .

So my attorney gave me official dissolution paperwork yesterday - my S6 is back with mom for the week so this was perfect time to broach the whole divorce topic again (uBPDw seems to think that if she's just super nice now and ignores it, all will go away) and I did, this morning.  Gave her the envelope... .she promptly threw it in the toilet.  THE TOILET.  I looked at her, and in a moment of poor judgement, said "when you are questioning why your husband divorced you in 6 months, you can attribute it partly to the childish antics you've just displayed."  That didn't go over that well, but I won't lie - it felt good to say

True story - yesterday when I told L that uBPDw will probably just light the paperwork on fire or rip it up in my face, he really didn't believe me.  I can't wait to call him monday morning and let him know it ended up in the toilet instead.  Looks like I'll be filing for an actual divorce instead trying to do the cheap dissolution route.  Funny thing is, I was going to let her off the hook for the credit card debt as well; in a divorce she's going to be required to pay half of it (which she probably won't anyway... .). 

I find that as long as I'm not around her, I don't question my decision at all.  I know I'm doing what is necessary and what needs to be done.  The second I walk back into our house, I feel so guilty... .like I'm being a giant jerk.

I have some places to go today with  some friends, so I won't be home much... .thank god. 

[ts919]

Yes you read that correctly... .

So my attorney gave me official dissolution paperwork yesterday - my S6 is back with mom for the week so this was perfect time to broach the whole divorce topic again (uBPDw seems to think that if she's just super nice now and ignores it, all will go away) and I did, this morning.  Gave her the envelope... .she promptly threw it in the toilet.  THE TOILET.  I looked at her, and in a moment of poor judgement, said "when you are questioning why your husband divorced you in 6 months, you can attribute it partly to the childish antics you've just displayed."  That didn't go over that well, but I won't lie - it felt good to say

True story - yesterday when I told L that uBPDw will probably just light the paperwork on fire or rip it up in my face, he really didn't believe me.  I can't wait to call him monday morning and let him know it ended up in the toilet instead.  Looks like I'll be filing for an actual divorce instead trying to do the cheap dissolution route.  Funny thing is, I was going to let her off the hook for the credit card debt as well; in a divorce she's going to be required to pay half of it (which she probably won't anyway... .). 

I find that as long as I'm not around her, I don't question my decision at all.  I know I'm doing what is necessary and what needs to be done.  The second I walk back into our house, I feel so guilty... .like I'm being a giant jerk.

I have some places to go today with  some friends, so I won't be home much... .thank god. 

[livednlearned]

Funny thing is, I was going to let her off the hook for the credit card debt as well; in a divorce she's going to be required to pay half of it (which she probably won't anyway... .). 

You probably know this, but just going to toss it out there anyway -- make sure you pay down the minimum balance until you get it in writing what debt is hers. Otherwise you wreck your credit rating.

And when you sort out who is responsible for what debt, get your name off those cards and make sure you double-triple check that you are indeed off. Maybe even contact the credit reporting agencies in advance so there's a note in your file that you are no longer on those cards. It can take a few months for that information to make it's way to the credit bureaus.

Because you're right -- someone who throws legal docs in the toilet isn't going to take seriously the responsibility and consequences of paying down debt.

Also... .don't let her off the hook on the financial stuff. Just don't. You are probably going to be paying out buckets of cash for legal expenses because of her behavior, and you need that money. If you feel guilty, create a college fund for your daughter or something proactive. These high-conflict divorces go on a long time