Has anyone taken their exBPD to court and how did they act?

[Hiloguy]

I might have to take my ex to court and im just wondering what to expect. She and I went to a couples counseling one time and they asked her a simple question and she completely flipped out and stormed out of the office to the street where it was snowing, 5 minutes later she came back. Im thinking that if the attorney puts her in a corner she will wig out, which would be good. Im just wondering if anyone has had any experience with this.

[Aussie0zborn]

We had a brief court appearance to set a hearing date. We took the opportunity to submit a property recovery order to get my property back. She sat behind her lawyer at the bar table and yelled out twice as the magistrate read out the list of things I sought to retrieve, including some suits.

She aint letting go of anything - that profound sense of entitlement.

I am looking forward to the hearing. I expect we will hear more yelling and I'm sure you will too, if you proceed. Do what you have to do and good luck!

[Hiloguy]

Thanks' for the reply Aussie I agree.

I thank once they start asking her questions and not allowing her to argue back I think she will have some sort of anxiety attack and start showing her true colors. The main things is if I can show how unstable she is, than I might be able to win this suit.

[Aussie0zborn]

I think it depends on whether the other side is high functioning or low functioning, too. My uBPDstbx wife is high functioning but she looked really worn out. Things haven't gone according to her plan and she is stressing. I guess the thought of me getting my stuff back was way too much for her but that has to do with her incredible sense of entitlement.  I understand that high functioning pwBPD have a way of manipulating the court so best to keep it all on verifiable evidence.

This book by Bill Eddy might give you some more insights : "SPLITTING: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with a Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder".

[Waddams]

It's amazing just how traumatic the feeling of losing control is for them.  That's why they tend to act out in court, the judges and lawyers control things, not them.  It's really sad if you think about it.  I feel sorry for people that are that afraid deep down in their souls.  Not sorry enough to let off the gas pedal in a court case, but still.

[Hiloguy]

For the most part my exBPDgf is low functioning and when she doesn't have control she gets a certain amount of anxiety. I also think when facts and figures are brought inn and it impedes her feelings she will have a melt down. 

[ForeverDad]

I've been in and out of family court since we separated in 2005.  She is hypervigilant about virtually everyone being 'probably' abusers, so she's been very possessive of 'her' child.  She may be co-morbid with traits of Borderline, Paranoid and Narcissistic PDs.

I recall my lawyer saying he'd have her in tears on the stand.  Didn't happen.  She has generally kept it together on the stand, though there was that time in 2010 when the court ruled she was not credible in one part of her testimony, courtspeak for liar.  She has a negative advocate for a lawyer, the latest filing by her lawyer requesting a continuance made me out to be non-compliant, handling my parenting more poorly than her and claimed the GAL's statement that there was conflict between the parents meant I was part of the problem.

Until now court has made baby steps of improvement.  From what my lawyer's staff said, she's getting a reputation at court, but of course they still have to tolerate her.  What they really think never makes it into the court records.

[livednlearned]

I ended up in court with N/BPDx. He is high-functioning and a former trial attorney. He ended up representing himself and I had to be cross-examined by him on the stand. Not a great time. But I won sole custody, so there's that. 

Her L will probably counsel her on what to expect and how to behave. That might work to a limited extent, so it's your L's job to find your ex's triggers. What is your L like, and what kind of reputation does he or she have? '

My L was masterful during the deposition we did prior to trial, and gave me a sense of how she works. At first, she asked N/BPDx questions that fed right into his narcissistic supply. He was practically purring. And then she started asking him about his anger, which he said he didn't have, and then she'd show him raging emails he wrote, and pretty soon he was boiling. I could see the sweat. That kind of cat-mouse stuff went on for about half an hour, and I could see that it had badly rattled N/BPDx.

It really helps if your L knows about BPD.

[sanemom]

I think sometimes it is hard to predict.  Many times when the stress of court was looming, the BPD ex was filing crazy motions left and right and writing up false allegations.  This last time when she had, what I would think would be a big loss to her (she lost control of the therapy that she had been blocking for a year), it is almost like her manic-like behaviors started and she started playing Mom of the Year instead.  Anyone else experience that?

We are just keeping the course... .slow and steady wins the race... .or so we hope.   

[ForeverDad]

I came to expect some sort of allegation a week or so before court hearings.  Twice she took our preschooler to the regional child abuse center, other times to urgent care, hospital ER, CPS allegations, etc.  She must have felt under pressure to walk into court waving some paperwork declaring how abusive and dangerous I was.  Never happened.  But she simply had to try to make me look just as bad or worse than her.

[livednlearned]

Good points.

I keep forgetting the pre-court stuff.

Last week I suddenly received a batch of wacky disordered emails about things that happened a long time, out of the blue. Then realized, Oh, right -- he just got served.

Gives you something to add to your documentation stack.

[Aussie0zborn]

We had a brief appearance in court today. I'm told she looked like sh!t - even more than the last time when we made a brief appearance. New guy was playing it tough as usual. Her boob job which was a disaster was on display for all to see.

I met a client on site yesterday and we stood in the harsh sun for an hour... .wasn't enjoying it until I realized it would put some color on my face, ready for court and all of a sudden I was enjoying standing in the sun for all that time. I had rosy red cheeks today... .Im told she looked like she hadn't slept for weeks. She turned around to look at me. I turned away and never once saw her face today.

Her lawyer made us an offer... .asked that we withdraw our applications for restraining orders against her as it will impact badly on her career. We asked what she was offering in return. The answer? Nothing. Nothing at all. It's all about them, isn't it? The police have applied for restraining orders in her favor after she assaulted my daughter and a cop. She can't exactly ask the police to withdraw the matter as she would have to admit assaulting my daughter (not the other way around) in which case she would be charged with making a false statement - a criminal offense - so she can't change her story now.  She is too far gone.

The matter has been transferred to "big" court rather than our little local court which I'm very happy about. I was quite annoyed today as this should have never happened. I offered to shake hands and walk away during the harshest devaluation period but she wanted to keep me there while she worked up the new guy to beat my brains in. Lucky she got drunk and let me in on the plan before it could happen.

My daughter filed a new statement saying she is scared of the new guy not just because he threatened her with a baseball bat, but because she understands that new guy is a convicted drug dealer. Now, my uBPDstbx wife would have been surprised to read this if she didn't already know. My L noted he had a lot of scars on his face - something I never noticed. If you think about it, a Deputy Principal with two children with a convicted drug dealer in the house.  What drew them together? How will this look in court?

Its such a messy case now that I expect the court will either throw us out or place restraining orders on all of us!