anybody filed contempt charges over right of first refusal ?

[nona]

Our divorce was final in Jun, and we are settling down into fall schedule.

LAst week BPDX sent d10 to a friends house instead of giving me the option to baby sit

here is his reply after I verbally reminded him I have a right to be offered her child care monday nights during his class.

here is his response:



":)uring D10's weeks with me, if there is time when I'm not available for her (longer than 1 hour), SHE gets the first choice about where she'll be. As long as I think her choice is reasonable and safe, that's where she'll be. If I, as the custodial parent, don't think her choice is reasonable or safe, then I'll be contacting you to see if you're available. I don't yet know Monday's plans."

I knew this moment would come, and I knew I might need to play hardball, and smack him down immediately the first time he doesn't follow the order before he will get it in his head that these are ORDERS and they APPLY TO HIM.

of course the $$$$$$$$$$$$$$ is the hardest part as I'm not really recovered from the divorce financially.

I cant afford the guy I used for the divorce and will be begging some new attorney to pick me up.

[Waddams]

Right of first refusal is hard to enforce from what I understand.  I specifically had it left out of my orders because I wanted as little as possible in there that my ex- and I had to do towards each other.  Lots of times, judges see ROFR cases as one side trying to screw with or have control over the other parent.

I've known people that went in for a ROFR contempt and then had the judge throw the case out and invalidate that clause of their orders.  That's not to say that will happen in your case, but I know it does.

Was it a friend of BPDX's or D10's that she went to?

[ForeverDad]

D10 is probably getting close to the age where she can be home alone for brief periods, if safe and if she is a reasonably responsible child.

If "SHE gets the first choice about where she'll be" is not in the order, then that's him re-interpreting the order, not surprising.  Generally these decisions are left to the parents, not the child, a child can be influenced by a pressuring parent.  Just be aware that in the next few years she should gradually be given some level of gradually increasing independence.

The length of ROFR is another aspect here.  ROFR as short as 1 hour sounds unreasonable unless circumstances make it advisable.  (Not sure if this is the Mama Bear in you or whether there is a special reason for this.)  I think generally 3 hours is the shortest I've heard.  And as I noted above she's almost at the age where - for brief periods of time - she can be a 'latchkey' child or with her friends and supervised by their parents (as long as you don't have substantive concerns about them).

In my case, I had a very possessive and entitled ex.  We settled for 5 hour ROFR when our son was 6 years old.  It seemed reasonable at the time but as he got older I found myself wishing it were even longer, my ex was benefiting more from it than me.  When son was 9 and I got custody, ROFR was dropped from the order, though I still used daycare and she sometimes used my daycare too.  Since she was able to pick and choose her work schedule and how little to work, ROFR was benefiting her more than me.  Son is 11 now and we just had an incident where police got involved because I'm not using daycare this school year and I wanted son to ride the bus home on my parenting days and I'd arrive a little later after work.

Another example in my case, son was nearly 10, he wanted a sleepover with his best friend from school.  I knew the parents, it was my parenting time and no ROFR, so I gave the okay.  Well, when ex learned about it afterward (she has son conditioned to be subtly interrogated) she called and raged at me, then called one of the parents and raged too, threatening both police and court, had the parent on the verge of tears.

Sorry for being so wordy.  What I'm trying to state and ask, is there a need for such a short ROFR?  However, that is in the order so you can object to what he did.  I do agree as Waddams mentioned that this may not be seen as a huge issue by family court, can't really be sure either way from here, remote as we are.  Would it be best to wait for more than one incident to occur, then you can file Contempt of Court listing the multiple issues or incidents?  Meanwhile, you can choose at this time to document this, perhaps sending him a simply stated letter quoting the relevant terms of the order, how he failed to comply or act according to the order and tell him to follow the order in the future.  After all, he agreed to it or the judge did.  My thoughts.

[momtara]

That does seem like he's openly flouting an order.  I'd talk to an attorney.  No reason you have to put up with that.  It may vary state to state about how they enforce it.