What if he asks for more time with kids here and there?

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

I got a good parenting agreement since my stbxh only sees the kids for one overnight every other week.  However, here and there asks to take one of our kids on a different day for one night, stuff like that.  I agreed to the plan because he can be a little scary when triggered, and I figured I could manage the once every two weeks. 

When he asks for more time, I want to seem pleasant and happy about it.  I know it's good to encourage the kids to bond with him.  At the same time, I do not want to set a precedent for him to walk all over me or change parenting time someday, saying, "Look, you ok'd all these extra visits."

What do I do?

[momtara]

I got a good parenting agreement since my stbxh only sees the kids for one overnight every other week.  However, here and there asks to take one of our kids on a different day for one night, stuff like that.  I agreed to the plan because he can be a little scary when triggered, and I figured I could manage the once every two weeks. 

When he asks for more time, I want to seem pleasant and happy about it.  I know it's good to encourage the kids to bond with him.  At the same time, I do not want to set a precedent for him to walk all over me or change parenting time someday, saying, "Look, you ok'd all these extra visits."

What do I do?

[Free One]

I got a good parenting agreement since my stbxh only sees the kids for one overnight every other week.  However, here and there asks to take one of our kids on a different day for one night, stuff like that.  I agreed to the plan because he can be a little scary when triggered, and I figured I could manage the once every two weeks. 

When he asks for more time, I want to seem pleasant and happy about it.  I know it's good to encourage the kids to bond with him.  At the same time, I do not want to set a precedent for him to walk all over me or change parenting time someday, saying, "Look, you ok'd all these extra visits."

What do I do?

Do what you can handle right now. Based on your other posts, it seems like it may not be the best time to change the agreement. It's all new and if are not comfortable with extra nights yet, say "Our schedule is still new and I would like to stick to it for now to develop a routine."

You have the right to say no.

[ForeverDad]

And you can respond by suggesting trades.  I quickly found out that if I wanted a trade to succeed then I needed to get my end of the trade first.  Later I found out that if I didn't want endless quibbling by my ex that somehow she was shorted on time or whatever then I had to keep it simple, and still she quibbled.

Generally we don't get reciprocity.  Too often no one is listening when we say, "Since I was nice to you the last X times, please be nice to me and let me have this that I want."

As for making a request, asking for any changes is likely to stir things up with my ex, she is likely to reinterpret everything, so each time I ask myself, Is it worth it?

[Stuffie]

Just my personal experience, stick with the parenting plan. I found that when ever I agreed to additional time with my dBPD ex that he would make it a point to be late, not show up at our designated meeting place, change plans last min, etc. Anything just to frustrate me since he wasn't obligated by a court order to be punctual. He used it as a way to control me. Lesson learned.

[momtara]

Thanks, all.  I said ok to an extra day this week and he backed off anyhow.  Duuuuurrrr.  I like the idea of the trades.