I left him at a restaurant

[drv3006]

Everyone i left him at a restaurant last night. I don't know how he got home but his car was gone. I have been told by ny doctors and others i am under severe stress. I am a jerk but i just couldn't listen to him belittle any more.

[Surnia]

drv3006,

Sounds like a bad day. 

Perhaps you can tell us a little bit more?

"No" about being a jerk, we all loose sometimes our patience.

[drv3006]

I am on ny cell so i only get so many characters. I am sick. I have thought its me i have fought fire with fire i have red books. He. Says he don't have BPD but emotional deregulation disorder. He has every problem under the sun and i abandons him what is wrong with me. He makes me feel so bad i have self esteem issues i am sober over five years. But i still can't figure out how i keep reacting when i know its wrong. He asks a question. I hate that he expects an answer i give it and then i am awful and selfish and controlling. I just left him there. His car was at my house and gone so i guess he is okay. But ii know i will never be forgiven for that.

[Surnia]

Can you take some deep breaths, drv?

Sounds like your rs is really difficult. Sometimes we have to acknowledge that we can make it work. We are humans. And it needs 2 persons for a rs.

Don't beat yourself.

[drv3006]

He asked if i what i thought about his ex not inviting him somewhere i said were u divorced at the time. He said yes. I said i guess she can do what she wants. They have kids. That was it i was selfish and i only think of myself. But i have heard way worse. I don't know why it effected me so to hear that. I have a hard time being in public and a very low immage of myself so i wasn't good either but as soon as i relaxed and got a little comfortable bam he's at it. I have been all over the different categories. Stay leave decide. Right now i feel gross. He could have left with a woman. Sex addition u know with everyone but me. Finally twice in over a year. I mean i thought i had what he had. He says i remember things wrong. I don't know why last night i left. I have seen and heard worse.

[Surnia]

Perhaps you were a bit more stressed because being in public. And I would be bothered too, when someone is telling me being selfish.

I saw you started recently working with a T. How is it going?

[drv3006]

Therapists thinks that we r not a good mix with me being in recovery and him bashing it and me. Plus i have had some physical illness. She said they Can be very manipulative and me having low self esteem already could eventually affect my sobriety

[peas]

If you have gone this long with a pwBPD and have not relapsed, you have strength.

I walked out on my pwBPD for the same reason you did: I had enough of being blamed for something I didn't do. I had enough of his irrational thinking, his different reality.

You made a good decision by walking out on him at the restaurant. You sent the message that you have your limits and you removed yourself from a bad situation.

[drv3006]

Logically i know u r right but i really feel awful. But i am not calling. My sponsor told me i was sticking up for myself and sometimes when u start doing good for self u feel uncmportable. But man he was stranded

[Surnia]

But i am not calling. My sponsor told me i was sticking up for myself and sometimes when u start doing good for self u feel uncmportable.

[eeyore]

Logically i know u r right but i really feel awful. But i am not calling. My sponsor told me i was sticking up for myself and sometimes when u start doing good for self u feel uncmportable. But man he was stranded

you can't be a doormat if you don't let people walk all over you.  Good for you for standing up for yourself.  This is about you.  Don't make it about him.  He needs to deal with what he has done. 

[Clearmind]

drv3006, one of the lessons here at bpdfamily, in times of conflict is to give time out on the situation - no good comes from sticking a disagreement out - its invalidating for you both.

I agree, our self esteem goes even lower if we believe we need to also fix it for them. Look after you and your needs.

How to give time out

[momtara]

You need to stop beating yourself up - you reacted in a HUMAN, normal way and in the case of a relationship with someone with BPD, we sometimes feel like that's not allowed.  I'm sure he has done selfish, hurtful things many many times.  I know you are feeling guilty and sad.  But please try to forgive yourself - it's normal.  You can't always be the one to tiptoe around.  You deserve a break.  Don't let him make you think you're sick or wrong. 

And he may forgive you, but sure he can use this as leverage in an argument.  That is hard to deal with but you will find a way to deal with it when the time comes.  I am sure he knows he's lucky to have you, too.  So please hang in there and be good to yourself.  Maybe in a way you needed to stand up for yourself.

[eeyore]

Maybe in a way you needed to stand up for yourself.

That's what I was thinking. 

[drv3006]

Thank u everyone. I know i have been on here for a year and have not been able to help u all like u have helped me. But like AA i know i will get stronger if i stick around those who r more experienced and take your suggestions. With time i will hopefully return the favor. All is quiet. I have not heard from him. I think that is good for now. But i still feel like a jerk. Oh well maybe i might get to ride in his car. Over a year and he has never driven me anywhere. I just got to see his place for the first time two weeks ago  why cause was embarrassed of his things  really?  I can hardly trust a thing he says and doubt myself  sigh!




                   

[Clearmind]

Certainly use the board more to process these events and members can also help you navigate the workshops etc.

The board is here for you.