Learners Permit

[crazedncrazymom]

Hi everyone,

DD16 is way past due to get her learners permit.  She really wants one, but of course we have concerns with her impulsive behavior.  Just the other day she threw her cell phone/ipod in the garbage and demanded we get her a smart phone.  What's going to happen when she decides she wants a bmw because my car isn't good enough to drive?  I can picture her setting the cruise control and sailing my car over a bridge.

Actually my concerns are more like her getting mad (or just wanting to leave the house), grabbing my keys and taking my car without permission.  How are you all handling the whole driving issue?  On one hand it's a great accomplishment to get a license and something to look forward to.  On the other hand... .well you know.

Thanks

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[qcarolr]

My DD27 was a late learner too. I signed her up for drivers ed. She got her license a couple months before her 17th birthday. The mistake I made was getting me a new car and letting her use the old one without a way for her to pay for the use. ie. I put the gas in. She loved driving. Put 1000 miles a week on the first month. It was also a big convenience for me as she drove herself to school. I realized later I lost one of the few times she would actually talk to me - riding in the car with me watching the road. And later discovered she was mostly not going to school - school never notified me of her attendance, and maybe at the time I was burned out and just did not want to know.

Would do so many things different, based on so much learning, but don't get to go back a parent her again.

qcr

[Kate4queen]

Oh it was a bad experience all round, I'm sorry to say.

1. he nearly killed my dh a couple of times when he was teaching him.

2. he failed the test 5 times- once ending up lying on the ground in the test center screaming at the examiner "You've ruined my life man! etc etc"

3. When he did pass he was in 3 accidents (all him rear ending people) and got 2 speeding tickets and one near miss in the first 6 months.

Our insurance went through the roof.

When he left, we signed his battered car over to him and told him to find his own insurance, which he eventually did. Also we made him take out a loan to fix the car.

Strangely enough, ever since he had to take on those responsibilities? No more tickets or accidents.

So there is definitely progress.

But it wasn't pretty for a while.

[cleanandsober]

Interesting topic; our 16 yr. old daughter has said she doesn't feel she is ready so we are not pushing it.  I am kind of glad she wants to wait, but I hope she gets confident to try next year.

[crazedncrazymom]

Yeah, those are the things I'm afraid of.  QCR, you are right about dd talking while I drive.  We do end up having a lot of conversations on the road.  Usually if she's not in a good mood she'll ask me to drive her around.  Eventually she may tell me what's wrong.  I'd miss so much.  Oooh such a dilemma. 

[jellibeans]

crazed

My dd 16 got her license this past summer... .I think it has done a lot for her confidence and self worth. She is driving a big old truck and we feel she will be safe in it even if she has an accident. BUT I still worry but I thnk all parents worry about that.

Here is what make us feel better... .

1. She is to place the keys in a certain spot downstairs so that if she gets upset it is easy for us to remove them so she doesn't storm off in anger.

2. She has to abide but the rules of her license... .she is not to have more than one person in the car... .recently she broke this and we took the car away from her for one week.

3. She is not allowed on the highways... .not right now... .we would like her to get more road experience first

All is all I feel having her license is giving her more independances and on the whole this has helped her a great deal. since most kids her age are driving it helps her to feel like she fits in... .she is normal when I would say the last year or so she has been far from the normal teenager. My daughter has thrown her cell phone many times in the past but I will say we have entered a time when she is acting more responsible with her things. Now school is a whole other topic! good luck... .i think it is worth a try and I see more positives than negatives.

[Bonus mom]

Hi crazed,

I'm going to comment on your post from a different perspective, because I thought you actually asked two different questions here. 

As far as actually obtaining her learners permit, which where I am located is a written test only, would it not be best for her to make the move to go and get it all on her own? (Assuming she could get to the license office by public transportation, and that where you are located she doesn't need parental permission to take the test?) What I mean is, if you will be deciding when she is allowed to get the license, and possibly be the one to set the appointment and take her to the appointment, are you not crossing over to the area of enabling her?  I ask this with complete respect, of course. It's just what crossed my mind as I read your post.  If she took the time and assumed responsibility to go and get the learners permit on her own, that doesn't that mean that she automatically is entitled to drive any of your vehicles.  But it would show responsibility on her part for having done it by herself.  Could she do that?

The second part of your question refers to her just taking your vehicle anytime she wishes.  That certainly is a valid concern.  However, if she doesn't have access to a key, then she won't be able to take the vehicle, correct?  There's certainly no reason for you to give her a key of her own.  Driving is certainly a privilege and not a right.  Is there any reason she should expect to have unlimited access to your car?

These are just things that I thought of when I was reading your questions.