Its the small things then end up being the biggest deals

[Cipher13]

Not sure if this ends up going some place but I have to post this befor it gets bigger. Why do such small small issues end up being so much of a bigger deal than a non would think... .

Example today our dept had a small lunch get together for a college that was leaving. We all chipped in some money for sandwhiches and soft drinks. I told uBPDw about it a coupel days ago and said I will be needing a few dollars for this lunch. So today it happens and normally we text message durning my lunch. Today not so much as I didn't want ot be rude an dbe the only on in the room texting while everypone is conversing.

So is this a big deal? Did I with hold info from her? Was it rude I din't text her?  The answer is no but thats my answer not hers. 

She is starting to cause a fuss but its hasn't prgressed into anything big yet.  So how do these small things get so out of control. Its not now but if I don't hose this little brushe fire down it will get out f control... .And things were going so well to.

[popeye6031]

When things are going well, it is only a matter of time before they go bad again. 

Always is the way. 

And during those good times, we start to doubt the thoughts we had of ending the relationship and feel guilty for ever thinking such a thing.

No matter how good things get, we know deep down, what the ebst solution for us is.

[Cipher13]

So true. The good times can feel liek a the calm before the storm. It really can mess with you head. You are rigth about doubting all the feelings we had when it was so bad. Right now I am trying to work on keeping it good. Knowing that if and when its bad its for the last time.

[myself]

So true. The good times can feel liek a the calm before the storm. It really can mess with you head. You are rigth about doubting all the feelings we had when it was so bad. Right now I am trying to work on keeping it good. Knowing that if and when its bad its for the last time.

I agree with what you're saying and am living through it, too.

Have also seen where the big things become little, where we brush aside the bad stuff, 'doubting' it as you wrote. So glad to have those good times back. Not always realizing (or admitting) it's another eye of the storm, that we're still caught up in it and nothing's changed but the intensity of the good and bad, the push and pull.

It's never over until we're really sure it's over, or better until it's really better, and we don't know any of that until we change our own behaviors and keep going.

[Cipher13]

Very nearly had the second half of the storm come out Friday night. After a very nice and fun week without any issues or arguments. Just really great times. I was messing around on shuffling some different songs on my ipod.  She see's an album cover with a sculpture greek topless woman. Now I didn't even realize thats what i was because its not a ver clear picture and its most oviously a sculpture becasue there are no arms and you can't make out a face.  Now you would have thought I was hidding porn.  She said where did you find that? I said I don't remember I had that song for almost 10 years I can't remeber where I found out about it. Of course she didn't beleive it and thougt that is were I must be gettign my jollies from... .

Just before that she was watching some TV shows about psycho women who kill people. They were showing soem grusom and raunchy stuff. She says don't you like how they are all showing them having sex and stuff. So I said you are angry for me having an album cover with a semi nude sculpture of what seems to be a woman on it and you want me to watcha nf coment on the show you are watching liek its less offensive?  WELL THATS NOT THE POINT AND NOT THE PROBLEM. ITS YOU HIDING THIS CRAP FROM ME.  I don't knwo how this end ed as I was so tired I said what ever I could and fell asleep. In the morning it was as if I dreamt it. It was a non issue.

[Seppe]

  So how do these small things get so out of control.

Being honest with myself I have come to recognize that the little things turn into the biggest deals sometimes because I have such little patience for them. 

When it is a "big deal", I find I am more compassionate and able to keep myself in check.  But, when she begins to get upset over the stupidest little thing, I am not very helpful and sometimes contribute to the problem by overreacting a bit myself. 

In my head it goes a little something like this:  "are you kidding me?  she isn't really going to get upset over that?  I can't deal with this right now."  She's smart enough to sense my frustration, she gets defensive and then we are off to the races.

[Cipher13]

Being honest with myself I have come to recognize that the little things turn into the biggest deals sometimes because I have such little patience for them.In my head it goes a little something like this:  "are you kidding me?  she isn't really going to get upset over that?  I can't deal with this right now."  She's smart enough to sense my frustration, she gets defensive and then we are off to the races.

Yes so very true. Maybe its that we are the only ones that can see that smal things are small and big things are big. Its almost like inthere eyes the small things are huge and the big things are impossiblly huge. I can say now that I often do start arguments without realizing it at first. Its the small things that liek yousaid "really she is picking this to get upset about" and then I react. For instance. Last night I am letting the dogs outside before bed. Only the 2 small ones come with me. I go back upstairs to get he big one oafter tI let the 2 small ones back in. I go back down and after the dog is doen ancoming back in she says "what are you doing?" simple question right? sets me off becasue she is the one that asked me to take the dang dogs out. I shut the sliding door a bit hard and she hears it. She is now angry that I shut the door hard and still wants to know what I am doing. I told her and she didn't seem to understand even after I explained it. It was not the same thing she had created in her head so I had to be lying.

So simple thing I could have handled way better and had more patients with but since it seemed small I had enough.

[wishfulthinking]

Cipher13,

I find I'm guilty of the same thing, which I am currently trying to watch as I keep peace.  I just get so tired of being nitpicked over EVERYTHING that I'm now defensive over EVERYTHING.  What are you doing?  Why did you pour the milk so fast, you are going to spill it. Why did the cat look at you that way?  You need to blah blah blah... .Now every time he opens his mouth, I feel criticized and I know it comes through in my setting my phone down a little too hard, or sighing a little too loud, or the edginess in my voice, and then I end up apologizing for that stuff and I am the bad guy... .

[Cipher13]

lostinparadise

So true, so true, so true. All the questions and the cmments and complaints is engough to make you loose it from time to time. What was that noise? Are you coming back? Where are you going? You don't love me like I love you. Why don't you like me? You never apologize. You are cheating. Prove to me you are not. You're being mean. You're a jerk to me. You never want to have any fun... .And it goes on an one and on.