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Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse... Have you considered that being critical, judgmental, or invalidating toward the other parent, no matter what she or he just did will only make matters worse? Someone has to be do something. This means finding the motivation to stop making things worse, learning how to interrupt your own negative responses, body language, facial expressions, voice tone, and learning how to inhibit your urges to do things that you later realize are contributing to the tensions.
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Author Topic: facebook likes and a txt from her mom  (Read 500 times)
simplyasiam
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 372


« on: October 07, 2013, 04:44:03 PM »

i told my ex BPD g/f my bounderaiers for us having contact about two weeks ago. ive had no reply from her in that time.

today a txt came from ex girl friends mom. the txt said my daughter wants to know if ill give her your cell number so she can talk to you about you seeing her kids.im not sure if shes wants to tell me i can see the kids or that shes not going to let me see them. i do know from some of her family that her son has been asking to see me and saying hes missing me. im a little cofused why she asked her mom for my number, the ex has txt me on that number before... .maybe she forgot?

when i checked my f/b i saw  ex had liked a new pic i add, a simple pic of the fall decorations in my front yard.

im not really sure why im even posting this here, i quess im just unsure if this will turn out to be about seeing the kids or is something more to this?
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SweetCharlotte
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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: Recently estranged. Married 8.5 years, together 9 years. Long-distance or commuter relationship.
Posts: 493



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« Reply #1 on: October 07, 2013, 06:28:13 PM »

Just to be clear, these are her kids and not yours, correct?

If that's the case, how likely are you to maintain a relationship with them if you and the mom have broken up and you are enforcing low-contact? It doesn't seem possible. They may well miss you and the ex is bugging her mom to bug you on their account. In other words, both things could be true; the kids have asked for you *and* it's a ploy on the part of your ex for more contact.

It's sad for the kids but it was her responsibility as parent not to allow them to become attached to any partner of hers until things had become stable, committed, and long-term.
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eeyore
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Relationship status: in a relationship
Posts: 5927



« Reply #2 on: October 07, 2013, 06:39:37 PM »

Can we call the ex's Mom exgrandma?   The ex the ex?  I can see wanting a relationship with the kids.  Would it be possible to see the kids with exgrandma without contact with the ex?  Or do you think the ex is using the kids as a weapon?  Seems to me by asking if you can see the kids when they are with exgrandma and ex isn't around then you will find out the answer to that question.  You certainly don't want the kids to be hurt by the ex's inability to put her kids first and by her using them as weapons.  That would be unfair to the kids. 
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simplyasiam
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 372


« Reply #3 on: October 07, 2013, 06:53:30 PM »

yes the kids are what matters the most to me in this. i feel i can have a r/s with the kids as long as the kids are good with it. im close friends with alot of their family and im sure we will never really lose track of each other. i dont really see why the kids and i cant always be close.

i didnt ask to see the kids. i was told by ex g/f family the kids have been asking about me and wanting to see me. i told ex G mom that if ex g/f would left me i would be open to spending time with the kids.


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SweetCharlotte
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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: Recently estranged. Married 8.5 years, together 9 years. Long-distance or commuter relationship.
Posts: 493



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« Reply #4 on: October 08, 2013, 11:18:11 AM »

yes the kids are what matters the most to me in this. i feel i can have a r/s with the kids as long as the kids are good with it.

As long as you trust your ex not to make false allegations about your contact with her children. Many pwBPD do this kind of thing. Only you would know if it is within the scope of her misbehaviors when she is disregulating.
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simplyasiam
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 372


« Reply #5 on: October 08, 2013, 05:52:32 PM »

we will be at her familys home the whole time
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