Hello all. My uBPDgf and I broke up for the 18th time in two years last Friday. I know I need to talk to a therapist to finally get over this but I simply can not afford one at the moment. I'm asking for advise from member s that are seeing a therapist.
Here's my dilemma. I work in the same office as my ex. This makes no contact impossible. I feel so much better and stronger on weekends when I don't see her. I even tell myself on the drive in to work that I will not be manipulated today but I always crumble.
She knows how to push my buttons. She'll look sad and ask me to talk and I can't say no. I've tried. We broke up again cause I caught her in another lie. I can stay mad at her when I don't see her but she knows how to play me. I actually feel guilty. I know I'm being played but I can't stop feeling sorry for her.
Then when I get home I constantly check my phone for her texts. I know she will only contact me if she is alone or feeling guilty. I know she doesn't really care about my feelings. Even knowing this I get waves of anxiety. I truly don't want to be with her. I need help getting over the Obsession. What advise have your therapists giving on conquering these irrational thoughts? Are there any exercises or tricks to get my mind off it? I know my brain has been conditioned to think this way due to 2 solid years of being her caregiving. I wish I could go complete no contact. Thank u for listening.
Wow I could have wrote that post, and I think I did write something similar a few months back! I also worked with the ex. And I have worked at my company 20 years too so I am not going anywhere!
I am in therapy, diagnosed with symptoms of PTSD.
So here are some things that have worked for me, I am almost 7 months post breakup, I will tell you it DOES get easier. Do you have to have professional contact? If so then you will have to be LC like me.
I changed my schedule at work a little, varying my breaks and lunch so as not to run into the ex. I park in a new spot (away from him) and I try not to walk past his office as much as possible.
I set a boundary for myself that I will only talk to my ex about work related issues, period! I simply ignore any emails that are not work related. If he calls on my work phone (we have caller ID so I know it is him) I always let it go to voicemail. If he leaves a message, and it is work related, I will return the call.
When he says hello to me in the hall I will say hello, but otherwise I don't make eye contact and ignore him. I know that sounds impolite, but I have to do it. I cannot give him an "in" or he will run all over me. Ignoring is very difficult for me as I usually say hello to everyone I pass in the hall. But as another member on this board said, his behavior to me at the end was very impolite so I have to change up my game to protect myself.
When he first tried to engage me with small talk and personal stuff I just politely reminded him that our communication should be work only.
I still have a lot of anxiety. I am practicing mindfulness and my therapist showed me a technique to where I temporarily escape to a safe place in my mind when I see him.
Hope you find that helpful, here are links to some workshops that helped me with mindfulness and with the obsessive thinking.
TOOLS: Triggering, Mindfulness, and the Wise MindTOOLS: Dealing with RuminationsGood luck!
Bananas
