Exasperated...

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

The last 72 hours have been indescribable... .  I have been jolted out of bed by screaming in the middle of each night... .I have raced to my work place in the middle of the night to "prove" I have actually been going to work and not out having affairs... .

I know that I am contributing at this point, but I seem to be caught up in it and when it's happening I am just as reactive as he is.  I am finding myself shutting down... .almost becoming numb... .

We have taken trips to the emergency room... .started meds... .stopped meds... .started new meds... .and called everyone of our counsellors... .I am feeling TOTALLY exhausted.

Oh yeah and still trying to keep a regular schedule at home and with my 14 yr old.  Is it really possible to maintain this for a life time?

I am reading everything I can... .watching videos... .I really need to take a step back... .but I don't feel that there is any time... .  Is this normal?

On top of all this I feel like I am limbo waiting for a decision that I know he is not capable of making... .is he leaving or staying?  That's what we have come to now... .because I am still willing to work on things and support him in his struggle... .

[niimin]

The last 72 hours have been indescribable... .  I have been jolted out of bed by screaming in the middle of each night... .I have raced to my work place in the middle of the night to "prove" I have actually been going to work and not out having affairs... .

I know that I am contributing at this point, but I seem to be caught up in it and when it's happening I am just as reactive as he is.  I am finding myself shutting down... .almost becoming numb... .

We have taken trips to the emergency room... .started meds... .stopped meds... .started new meds... .and called everyone of our counsellors... .I am feeling TOTALLY exhausted.

Oh yeah and still trying to keep a regular schedule at home and with my 14 yr old.  Is it really possible to maintain this for a life time?

I am reading everything I can... .watching videos... .I really need to take a step back... .but I don't feel that there is any time... .  Is this normal?

On top of all this I feel like I am limbo waiting for a decision that I know he is not capable of making... .is he leaving or staying?  That's what we have come to now... .because I am still willing to work on things and support him in his struggle... .

[Aussie0zborn]

Good to see that you are committed to suppporting him in his struggle.

Do you have support in your struggle? Therapist? Family? Friends?

Just curious... .how does driving to work in the middle of the night prove you are working and not out having affairs? Does this sort of thing happen often?

[niimin]

I do have support... .I have a therapist as well as friends and family.

Driving to work in the middle of the night... .well he is extremely jealous, and paranoid.  He is convinced that I am always having an affair.  I am the CEO of a company, therefore in his mind, I have unlimited access to money that I could spend on motel rooms and dinners... .so he was in such a state that night that he wanted me to take him to the office to show him that I didn't spend the office's petty cash... .

Then when I show him... .because he has woken me up in the middle of the night and am on survival mode in that moment... .he apologizes and cries... .but 2 hours later he is waking me up again... .  well I am an evil genius that has probably replaced the money from some other source to throw him off my trail... .  It is a never ending cycle.

So there is never enough proof or a right answer... .  No possible way he could be wrong.