if she does what she threatens to do...

[Ms Mac]

if she walks out of my life forever, how can I cope?

she is making life unbearable now, so I want her to leave, but I don't because I know I will never see her again


My daughter is the coldest person I have ever known, what did I do wrong in her life to make her hate me so much that is wants to be rid of me at all costs?

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[simenora]

everybody tells me its not my fault. I think that likely applies to you. Call her bluff. At the very least youll have peace for a bit

[Kate4queen]

Ms Mac I thought that if my son walked out it would be the most devastating thing that ever happened to me and that it would mean I was a failure as a mother and a person. I did everything in my power to stop it happening and he used that fear of mine against me constantly.

Eventually even I couldn't stop him going and although it was devastating, do you know what? It started a whole new chapter in our relationship and changed the balance of power. It gave my dh and me time to start thinking rather than reacting and gave us the ability to stop enabling him and start helping him.

It sounds like your daughter is holding you with emotional blackmail. You have to decide whether you can live with that or not. I have to say that after my son left, the simple pleasure of going back to my own house and no longer living in fear of him was mind blowing and made us all realize how distorted our  family life had become because of his BPD. I hope you have someone you can talk to just for you and some support. This is extremely hard to deal with alone.

[Ms Mac]

My son, who is 'normal' has been saying she needs to be kicked out, for everyone's peace of mind.

He does not live at home, as he is married and living in Australia.

I actually 'had words' with my daughter today, and although I didn't 'kick her out' I did tell her I didn't want her in my house anymore.


Yes I know she is emotionally blackmailing me, but I love her, and it hurts SOO much.

She has to go, I know she does

she threatens me, is mildly violent towards me, and has a very dark side which frightens me, a lot.

If I actually kick her out I am frightened of what she might do

[Ms Mac]

like most, my story is long and very painful.

She needs help, but won't get it. She quit school, refuses to get a job, has in the past, cut herself and tried to take her own life. She is violent to me, abusive to me, disrespects me etc

I cannot get it all out now, I may never be able too.

The laws here in NZ are different that in the USA. My daughter being 17, 18 in March, is classed as an adult and can do most things legally because of her age.

She has been a difficult teenager. I can't ever remember having good times with her, but I was hoping that it was just a phase and she would grow out of it.

I found out late last year that she had attempted to commit suicide twice, and had been cutting herself.

For as long as I can remember she had wanted to be an Interior Designer, so I made sure the subjects she did in school were geared to that, which is what she wanted.

This year she started going to Unitec, to be educated to a higher level to become an Interior Designer. The course was to take 4 years in total.

Half way through this year she dropped out. I find out in July that she has met, online, a man in the USA and she plans on moving there to be with him. He is 30 years old and should know better.

She has told her friends that when she leaves she plans on dropping out of my life completely, and if her new life with him doesn't work out, she will end her life once and for all... .

[jellibeans]

I think often pwBPD have great plans. My dd has had many plans. I have learned that they rarely happen. I would advisor to make sure her flight has a return flight if the American is buying it or she will be stuck there if she does go.

My dd16 will leave my house one day and I think only then will she appreciate what she left behind. I think your daughter will too.

[Ms Mac]

My dd16 will leave my house one day and I think only then will she appreciate what she left behind. I think your daughter will too.

I wish that to be true, but knowing my daughter as I do, I doubt it very much